Wednesday, May 18, 2011

To Whom it May Concern:

Inspired by Band Back Together's May Venue for Making 2011 My Bitch, I am ready to write a very formal cease and desist letter to my deepest fear.

Dear Sir or Madam (whatever the case may be):

This letter is written primarily in regard to your recent campaign to make me feel insane whilst you and your minions laugh hysterically from the balcony. 

I do not appreciate the subconscious suggestions that I am "just like my mother" nor the ones where you purposely try to convince me that my child is going to "end up just like the rest of the depressed assholes in the family."  She is also unlikely to grow up to smoke crack and worship Satan, and I refuse to let that thought intrude any longer.

(Thanks to Google for this one)

I understand that you exist as a mechanism to push me to do (and be) better, but I must say that your tactics thus far are completely out of line with your objectives.  So I am requesting that you immediately make the following changes or face serious consequences:

1) You must cease and desist any dream-time activity.  I know that the easiest way to paralyze me is to interfere with my sleep, but the idea that you will win by cheating and attacking when I am defenseless and not even awake is beyond reprehensible.  And I have a hard time knowing sometimes if it is a memory or a dream so this is unacceptable. 

2) You will slow your progression from merely warning me that I am missing the mark to causing outright panic so that I may be able to interject at least TWO rational thoughts between each suggestion, thus stalling and perhaps even averting all-out catastrophic thinking.

3) You must allow me to say out loud, sometimes repeatedly that the past is NOT an indication of the future.

4) You will accept the fact that I am NOT MY MOTHER.  Additionally, you will remind me that it was not necessarily my mother's mental illness that contributed to my struggles, but the way she presented them and failed to seek help until the damage was already done.

5) You will additionally be required to tell me at least once per day I am not going to become my mother, nor am I going to allow my own child to feel the misery I felt at my own mother's hands. 

If you do not agree to the demands set forth here in this letter, serious remedial action will be commenced including but not limited to talk therapy, anti-anxiety medication, electroshock therapy, hypnotism and in all likelihood, serious blogging and exposure of your trickery.  And we all know that exposure of fears to the light is the best way to destroy them.

Very sincerely yours,


1 comment:

  1. Kick their ass!! Good letter! I hate stupid people (whether family, friends, coworkers or strangers), especially those who "think" they know what they are talking about!


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