Ancient History: 5 B.C.

I was sitting in a McDonald's with Lila the other day and overheard a woman talking about the good old days.  Back in B.C.  Before Children.

Let's take a little stroll through history, shall we?

All that's left of my life Before Children

5 years B.C. I could wake up on Sunday morning and have the whole day in front of me.  The house would be quiet and the newspaper would be waiting for me.  I would leisurely drink my coffee and peruse the paper and carefully weigh all the possibilities for the day ahead.  Those days are gone.

In 5 B.C. I could get a phone call at 7pm on a Friday and be out the door in half an hour for a night on the town where I dressed sexy and got hit on all night by various attractive men offering to buy me drinks in the hopes that I would go home with them.  That's over too.

That's me on the left in blue at a rave in 2001

In 5 B.C. if I was sick, I stayed in bed all day.  Sometimes a friend or even my mom would come over to take care of me.  I could watch movies or read or just sleep.  Not so much anymore.

In 5 B.C. I worked to buy myself nice clothes, shoes, a car, and to support my habit of buying more books than I could read.  I worked so that I could go out and eat with friends or offer to pay on dates.  I always had money left over after paying my bills even though it was just me and no roommates.  So much for that.

Me in my slutty clothes

In 5 B.C. I lived alone.  The only mess to clean up was mine (and MiMi, my cat's).  I hardly cooked because it's no fun to cook for yourself and so I ate a lot more fast food, and yet never managed to gain any weight.

In 5 B.C. I had perfect boobs, a flat stomach and minimal cellulite.  I showed off my body and if I chose to I could even sleep around if the mood struck me.  Just because I was a hot young thing.  I'm not anymore.

Me at dawn. I was 22 here.

Today, Sunday mornings are loud and my day is left in her hands.  It's impossible to have spontaneous plans pop up because I don't have a spur-of-the-moment babysitter and even if I did, I am so exhausted by the end of the day that I rarely stay up past 9pm.  If I'm sick, too bad.  Mom's don't get to call in sick.  I work to buy my kid nice things.  So that she can leave them all over the house for me to clean up.  Today my boobs are heading south, my ass is expanding to unclaimed frontiers and there is a roundness to me that I can barely identify.  It isn't pretty or sexy and I cannot remember the last time I thought about sex.

It's not that there aren't good points,  Lila is the joy of my life in so many ways.  But seriously, when you put it on paper it really makes me yearn for the good old ancient days of B.C.

 

(All photos were the result of a Bing Search and thumbnails.  But the captions are mine)