Sunday, May 22, 2011

Parenting Fail?

Am I a terrible mom?  I try to stay on top of things.  I want my kid to eat well and get enough sleep and say please and thank you.  I want her to be smart and capable and independent and well-behaved.  And so far I have failed at all but the part about her being smart (assed) and independednt (3 going on 13). 

In trying to come to terms with just how to handle this problem of Lila being the sassiest little bitch on earth (yeah, I said it), the only thing I can come up with is that I am just too fucking tired to discipline her EVERY SINGLE TIME (which would literally be about 3 times per minute) that she does something that pisses me off. 

My kid yells at me.  She throws things and she refuses to eat.  Then she throws a huge asshole fit about the fact that she doesn't get any snacks because she refused to eat what I put in front of her (No, I don't give in and she still does not GET it). She refuses to poop on the toilet still and when I refused to buy any more pull ups, she held it for 4 days until it was so painful for her (even with the laxative) that she will probably never want to shit on the toilet again (thanks to the doctor for that award-winning advice).  She acts like an animal when we go to a store.  She manipulates me by crying and telling me she hates me (remind you, she is not a teenager - she's 3). 

In between the 3 minute hugs and the 2 and a half moments of happiness is all this SHIT.

I am at my wits end.  And all I can do is blog about it. 

Fucking kid.


  1. When my kids went through that (and they all did for varying lengths of time) I minimized my amount of time in public. People could come over and hang out, but the battle just wasn't worth it for me. And the food thing... you doing fine... and it is HARD. And I suck at it. And it WILL get better. It HAS to, right? I am holding on to the faith in that myself :) So no advice... just absolute commiseration. (((hugs)))

  2. Oooh kiddo... she knows where your line is. Question is, do you?

    And yeah, I think if you want certain things from her, you have to have the consistent discipline every time. Every. Motherfucking. Time. It's a bitch.

    You know, kiddo used to yell at me and I'd be all calm and quiet, trying to be "supermom" ... then she started hitting me. I lost my shit then at that. Got supernova right up in her little face. Hasn't hit me since.

    Got anyone who can objectively observe your interactions?

  3. Hmm...this is tough. I remember my little angel at 3 and I said to someone with older children that I was worried she was already acting like a 13 year old. The older/wiser parent told me that it WAS a glimpse of what she'd be like when she was 13 and 4 was like 14 and so on and so on. And if I didn't get that shit sorted now while I can still physically remove her from a store/restaurant/etc. and take away her ponies, puppies, what have you then I'd never be able to control her when she turned 13.

    It is truly exhausting. I feel your pain. I think you have to decide which battles you're willing to fight, because those little girls will die on every fucking hill and you can't have those battles over everything. I put my line in the sand and I do my hardest not to let her cross it. She shaped up for about 10 months and now she's at it again. I got lax. It's time to as Mollie would say go "supernova" (love that) on her.

    Good luck!!

  4. My kids have all had their stages where i wanted to hang it up and cry, but i stood my ground and held on tight. my oldest son is disabled and he is a professional manipulator. he tries to get to my soft side and i realized that i was doing him absolutely wrong by being soft. you do need to choose your battles, then they mean more when you do butt heads. it sounds like you are doing a good job, it's just one of the hardest jobs you'll EVER do. Hang in there, it is worth all the hard work. eventually i had teachers thank me for how i have raised my kids, because they know it's tough out here too.

  5. Um, I'd have to go with the "carrot and stick" route. I don't know if Heather told you about our first round of potty training, but I came up with "pooh cash". Basically, it was $2/day in which they did all their functional business on the toidey, payable in poker chips (1 chip per day). -NO- other toys were allowed to be bought except for by their own pooh-cash purchases (the secondary objective here to establish that their toys had value because they had to buy the stinkkin' things, and the tertiary grandiose objective to start teaching about money and the joys of saving- Eoin took to that part grandly, Aine not so much). The in-laws, of course, made this difficult. Now, after they were hooked on the concept, the daily payout was still one poker chip (they constantly wanted to get their stack down and count them), but the "exchange rate" went to $1/per. It became much less crazy. Anything the kids want now which I have little interest in them having gets the response "Do you want to spend your pooh-cash on that?" Usually, they'll mull it over and decide they don't want it that badly. Obviously, you can change the name, but it was effective in getting both 3yr-olds to utilize the porcelain perch.

    On the opposite end of the spectrum, we've begun holding some toys as POWs, and occasionally the phrase "That's it! You've expended my patience... let the spankings commence!" has been heard. Follow-through is unfortunate, but necessary.

  6. I have a sassy 4 year old. So, all I got for you is sympathy- no advice.

  7. Thanks so much for the comments guys. Seriously. It means a lot to me. I KNOW on some level that it's all normal and I mostly tend to be pretty good about standing my ground but she has these days where she is pure evil no matter what we try to do.

    Kids Suck.

  8. wow. i am so glad i haven't(or think i haven't) knocked anyone up yet.

  9. I dont have any advice but my daughter is also 3 and yes KIDS SUCK.

  10. Girl, this is why I started a blog. My middle son did all of the above PLUS some, then taught it all to his little sister, so now she is going through it all.

    Here is my advice. Fuck the judgmental assholes at the store, Although i highly recommend NOT taking her, sometimes that choice just isnt a choice. When they glare either ignore them or become the biggest smart ass, then come home and blog about it.

    "Old ass grandma was glaring at me and said I needed to spank my daughter, I told her she could take a good whack at her for me cause I was just to tired at the moment"

    Also, when you are at your wits end, and she is on the floor throwing the biggest tantrum, copy her. Throw your stressed out self on the floor and have at it. Yell louder than her and kick like crazy. Not only does this scare the shit out of her, its a good stress reliever.

    I have been in therapy for awhile now...(I also reccomend that...LOL) and turns out when a child says "I hate you" it's an attention thing, don't feel guilty...just go with it.

    "Mommy I hate you"

    "Daughter, everytime you hate me I get a little closer to feeling the same way."

    If all else fails, invest in a padded, sound proof room until she is about 5 or gets better...So try to just laugh, I KNOW it's hard. But you can get some REALLY good blogs out of it if you just go with it, LOL

  11. I just found your blog. You're hilarious. But I'm pretty sure my 5 year old daughter Megan is the sassiest little bitch who has ever walked this planet. And then there is also her twin brother. Words fail to even describe the shit that happens in my house. I don't know who I pissed off in this life or another. I've been punished with twins. Fuck.

  12. my daughter is the exact same way I thought it was just me lol


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