Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Bad Ass Bitches.

First of all I would like to thank the Academy.  And of course, Mollie over at OK in UK for passing this on to me about 3 months ago (it's been a rough few months, okay?).

Since there are no rules to this one, I am going to simply pass it on to a couple of people and leave it at that.

Kid Id




And now, after using a bunch of words, here is my Wordless Wednesday:

My kid with the hair hat.  She's thrilled.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Attack of the Killer Commercials!

Remember when I was all pissed off and irritated because of the Pillow Pets?

(If not go here and read about how the Pillow Pets Commercials temporarily ruined my life)

Well folks, I am here to tell you about a new evil that threatens to disrupt the fabric of life with small children as we know it.  No, I'm not talking about the overblown "arsenic in apple juice" debacle (which, by the way is stupid.  I learned in 7th grade that apple seeds have small amounts of arsenic in them which is why you aren't supposed to eat them).  I am talking about this crap seen below.  Stay in it for about 20 seconds.  The song will drive you to insanity.

Every time my kid sees this and hears the song, all I hear for the rest of the day is "I want the ladybug! She lives in a house! And you ring the doorbell!  And WOOOOOOW there's a UNICORN!  OH MY GOD I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT THIS BECAUSE IT WAS ON TV AND EVERYTHING ON TV IS OBVIOUSLY AWESOME! Especially with such a catchy song!"

(The last couple of lines was my commercial induced insanity taking over)

Granted, my kid probably watches too much TV.  But what the hell else are kids supposed to do when they get up at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning and Mommy is still partially in a coma because she hasn't had her requisite 4 cups of coffee yet? 

For my kid, seeing this commercial is like a crack head being show commercials for crack.  SHE MUST HAVE IT. To her it's the most wonderful and urgent need in the world.  These things are the pinnacle of ecstasy and completely thrilling (I mean, look at how absolutely thrilled the kids in the commercial are). And it's all she can think about.  She will beg, borrow and steal (but mostly just whine) for the chance to have one. 

Seriously, this cutesy stuffed pet / pillow friend trend needs to be stopped.  Because before we know it, our preschoolers will form an army of commercial-jingle-induced zombies who threaten all out anarchy unless they get their nappy friends. 

Seriously, is this what we parents want?

This is not a future that I want to have to envision.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Where I'm From

I am from Tupperware bowls , from Wonder bread, the brown striped metal swingset in the back yard.  From windows that had to be ROLLED down and standing up in the back seat without a seat belt.

Yup.  That's me. 
What do you think I was about to say?

I am from the snow piled 5 feet high, bleak dreary winters, too cold to leave the house.

I am from the bleeding hearts in my front yard, discovering the lilies of the valley hiding in the shade in April and the yellow roses that my mother always pruned at the wrong time of the year.

I am from Christmas around the table at Grandma Virgies, and drunken slurred arguments late into the night, and from Uncle Ray and Aunt Nancy and Great-Aunt Angie.

Grandma Virge, me, Grandma G

I am from the smoke-filled rooms where children's birthday parties were held and being pressured to eat something-ANYTHING when the piles of italian cookies are stacked high on glass plates on the table.

From "if you don't behave the MAN will come and steal you"and "You don't have a tumor/cancer/heart disease/polio/tapeworm.  Stop being a hypochondriac."

I am from Sister Celestine explaining that if I don't have a prayer corner in my bedroom then I cannot make my first communion and my mother telling me that I don't need a prayer corner to go to heaven.

Holy Trinity Church

I’m from the North Side and the foot of the boot and Poland/Russia/Germany, depending on when the land changed hands, from my mother's Golabki and my aunt's Spaghetti with Calamari.

From the baby who cried non-stop for six months and only stopped when she was placed in an open dresser drawer, the uncle who almost died when he tried to quit drinking who was lucky that they chose to put him on life support because he woke up 4 days later, and the lady who was only 4 months old when her mother brought her on the journey to America.

Baby in Drawer

I am from the black and white photographs in a yellowed manilla envelope in my mother's closet and the momentos and papers tucked away in Aunt Mary's basement, and collecting them all to create my own broken understanding of where I am from.


This was a prompt found at Mama Kat's

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Battlefield: Dinner

I am a firm believer in family dinner times. And experts seem to agree that family dinner time, where the ENTIRE family sits around a table for dinner and communicates and enjoys themselves is essential for a happy, functioning family.

This is how I imagine dinner time should be.

But what do you do when no one enjoys it?  My kid has turned dinner time into this drama-filled temper tantrum and by the end of it, her dinner is not eaten and Ben and I are the ones flailing on the floor kicking and screaming.

Lila does not like to eat.  At least not actual food.  I refuse to call her a picky eater because it doesn't really matter if we serve her the one food she is willing to eat this week (which is usually either mac and cheese or chicken nuggets) she still refuses it.  She's more like a non-eater.  Not that she isn't hungry.  As soon as dinner is cleared from the table she asks for ice cream or cake or cookies and cries because she's "starving".  We offer to heat up her chicken nuggets or mac and cheese and she cries and goes to bed hungry.  We don't give in.  But for some reason she STILL doesn't get that eating crap like ice cream and gummy fruit snacks are not acceptable dinner time foods. 

This is what I actually see at dinner time.

And this is almost entirely a dinner time problem, when we are all sitting down at the table.  At lunch time, when it's just her and I, she usually eats with no problem (although she isn't a big eater and has never finished an entire meal) and at breakfast, when she is usually eating alone, it is no problem at all.   It's as if she is completely against it, which I don't understand because this is what we have always done, and it's always been a problem for her.

In addition to refusing to eat and generally being totally bitchy about it, she also has to go to the bathroom as soon as the food is set on the table and has hundreds of excuses to get up every 45 seconds.  Even when we order pizza and eat in front of the TV, something about sitting together with us at dinner time causes her to not be able to sit still or concentrate on the task at hand, even though when there's no food in front of her she can sit catatonic for an hour and a half watching Alvin and the Chipmunks.

For me, not having dinner together isn't an option.  This is important to me.  My parents made every effort to have dinner at the table whenever they could and as an adult I really appreciate those times where no one was too busy or preoccupied with work and we got to just sit and focus on chatting. 

There is one train of thought that says that you should never force your kid to eat and should just let them do what they want and eat when and what they want and they will come around.  But honestly, I don't believe that we should work around her and her whims.  She's FOUR.  If it were up to her she'd want nothing but Lucky Charms and Popsicles and would eat dinner just after brushing her teeth, hearing a story and turning out the light at bedtime.  She refuses to "snack" when I just leave decent foods like carrot sticks out for her to nibble on and seems to only want to eat something when I am in the middle of a task that I cannot drop to prepare something for her. 

There is the other faction that says that the eating habits they learn early such as eating a variety of foods (my kid doesn't) and viewing eating in a healthy way (she obviously finds it stressful) will be carried on for life.  If this is the case, my kid is going to be either a "food is comfort" over eater or processed food junky.  Perhaps she will develop an eating disorder since her entire goal in life seems to be to use what little control she has to refuse to put healthy food into her mouth.

What do you guys think.  Should I just stop with the family dinner times? 

I aim for some kind of middle ground and it just isn't working.  I fear that my kid is going to have some serious food issues if I don't get this under control.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Trying Something Out

I have started another blog to talk about my depression and the progress and issues and other things that come with it. (Quick, guess what it's called!)

Because although I am sure that motherhood and depression are somehow linked in my mind, the truth is that this blog here is my "Mommy Blog" and I need to stick to "Mommy things" here.  So I have created a special little home on the interwebs for journaling and complaining and working shit out so that I can become a better, less deranged human being.

Go check it out, and let me know what you think.  You guys have (unwillingly?) been a huge support for me through all this and so it is important that you give me feedback (in the form of comments over there), good, bad or ugly.

Oh, and Follow.  Because I don't want to be that blogger who has 0 followers.

Go Here:

Because Depression Sucks

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Say Hello to My Little (annoying) Friend.

Lila has a best friend. 

There is a little girl who lives 3 houses down (we'll call her "J")  who is 5 and she and Lila are apparently infatuated with each other.  You would think I would be thrilled that Lila has someone so close by to play with.  But my kid is obsessive.  And as I am learning so is her little friend. 

For the most part, they play together wonderfully.  Lila has no problem letting J play with all her toys and actually encourages J to take the first turn on any toy they have to share (as I was writing the last sentence, there was a knock at my door.  It is J wanting Lila to play.  It's 9:30 in the morning.  More on this later).  Lila is a tremendously gracious host and for a 4 year old, very polite.  J is not so much.  She is demanding and bossy.  She is high maintenance.  She can't play with any one thing for more than a few minutes wanting to go inside, then outside, then upstairs then back outside then needs to poop all in a matter of minutes.  Lila does not play like this.  It frustrates her, and makes me insane.

The fact that J can't sit still is actually the least annoying thing about the situation.  We can see J's yard from our living room window.  Practically every 3 minutes for 5 months now, Lila goes to the window excitedly yelping, "I think J is home! I want to go play with her!" or "I want to go play in J's yard!".   This isn't awful in itself, but it's impossible to get her to come and have dinner when she SEES J playing in her back yard. 

And J spends a LOT of time outside.  I am pretty sure that her parents send her outside for hours at a time by herself, which makes me extremely nervous to send Lila over there.  I realize that we live on a dead end street and that their yard is completely fenced in, but I still want to watch my kid to make sure she doesn't get hurt or abducted.  She's only 4 for Christ's sake and we haven't begun to terrorize her with "Stranger Danger" quite yet.  Needless to say, when they play together it's either at my house or with me sitting outside watching them.  This consumes way more of my time than I would like. 

Yesterday, I had the day off and my mother took Lila so that I could get some housework and errands done.  At 9:30, J came to the door asking if Lila could come out to play.  I told her that Lila was at her Grandma's and wouldn't be home until close to dinner time.  She accepted this and walked away.  About 15 minutes later, my front door opens and J takes off up my stairs!  "You can't just walk into people's houses," I tell her.  "Plus, I told you Lila isn't home.  Go home and I will send Lila over when she comes home later." 

At 10:30, I just happen to look outside and see that J is in my yard playing with Lila's soccer ball and net.  "You can't play in my yard when Lila isn't here and with no one keeping an eye on you," I tell her.  She goes home. 

At 11:15, my doorbell rings.  Guess who?

At 12:00, Ben comes home for lunch.  J comes running down the street asking him if Lila is home.

At around 1:00, I go to take a shower.  When I turn off the water,  I hear DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG, knock knock knock knock, DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG.  J is assaulting my doorbell and rabidly knocking at my door.  I decide to ignore her.  This continues while I get dressed, brush my teeth, apply makeup, and blow dry my hair for about 20 minutes.  When I finally go downstairs and open the door, she asks "is Lila home?"

REALLY?  I think.  Seriously?  "It isn't dinner time yet, is it?" I say.  "No," she tells me.  I explain to her that if someone doesn't answer the door after the SECOND time you ring the doorbell, that they are either not home or they are too busy to answer the door, and further, that it is not good manners to keep on coming over after I already told her that Lila isn't home and won't be home until much later. 

When I come home from running errands at 4:00, guess who is sitting on my porch?

As I was writing this (about 20 minutes ago), J came to the door.  She and Lila played for about 5 minutes and J wanted to "run home for a minute."  This means I have to go out onto my porch and watch her (because regardless of what her parents allow, I am not going to be held responsible of something DOES happen to her).  She came back with a Justin Bieber photograph, and stayed for about 3 minutes before needing to "run home again." 

Image removed because I was tired of seeing the searches used to find my blog were overwhelmingly filled with "Justin Bieber Bulge".  SERIOUSLY.  WHO THE HELL IS SEARCHING FOR THAT???
I am SOOOO glad she starts full-day Kindergarten tomorrow.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Because you always wanted to know...

Welcome to Sunday Stealing.  Because an original blog is too much work today...

1. Tell us about something that made you laugh last night.

Well, around midnight, Ben and I were fast asleep in bed and suddenly Lila started screaming bloody murder.  Convinced that she was being attacked by zombies (because you think that when you're half asleep) we both jumped up out of bed to see what was going on.  Lila was yelling rabidly, "But I don't WANT to watch THAT movie!" and thrashing around.  I think that she subconsciously has control issues. 

2. What were you doing at 8 PM last night?

Yelling at my kid to get her little butt ready for bed.  I have never seen anyone with more excuses in my life.  And I am the QUEEN of excuses. 

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Grocery shopping.  WITHOUT THE KID. 

4. What happened to you in 2006? (Feel free to republish an old post from '06.)
In October of 06, I found out I was pregnant.  I literally cried for 3 days non stop, to the point where I had to go home sick from work.  I told them I had the flu.
5. What was the last thing you said out loud?

"You weren't either."  Thats all I am saying.

6. How many beverages did you have today?
Coffee, water, Cherry Coke, water.  I am running low on my fluids.  Need to get some liquor STAT!

7. What color is your hairbrush?
You don't really care.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?
Groceries.  I think we already covered that though.

9. Where were you last night?

Wouldn't you like to know?

10. What color is your front door?
White.  It hasn't been painted bright purple yet.

11. Where do you keep your change?

Mostly in the couch cushions.

12. What’s the weather like today?
Really sticky.  Like swamp-ass sticky.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Charlie Brown (chocolate with peanut butter swirl)

14. What excites you?

Just the usual stuff:  porn, booze, being left alone all day with porn and booze.

15. Do you want to cut your hair?

No.  I did that already and wish I hadn't.  Although I am often tempted to do something stupid like a mohawk or a weave.

16. Are you over the age of 35?

17. Do you talk a lot?
I used to.  Now I just blog.

18. Do you watch Franklin and Bash?
Who?  I suspect this is a repeat Sunday Stealing.  Because I have been asked that before.

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?

Yes.  And I also know a girl named Stephanie who goes by Steve.  And she isn't butch at all.

20. Do you make up your own words?
I don't have to.  There are plenty of impelling and commoving words that already exist.

21. Are you a jealous person?
No but I am selfish.

22. What does the last text message you received say?
Barnes and Noble tomorrow?

23. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Hopefully bed.

24. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
I have a 4 year old.  They can be assholes.

25. Are you crushing on anyone that you shouldn't be?

Not anymore.  ;-)