Wednesday, February 20, 2013
We're splitting up.
After 8 years and God knows how many months of unhappiness, we have decided to call it quits.
I have to say, my feelings about it are mixed.
As many of you know, we are not married. In many ways this is a blessing because we avoid all the complicated legal stuff and get to just part ways in a somewhat amicable way. It is also perfect for him because everything is in his name so anything I take with me, I do so because he was kind enough to "let" me have it. This part really sucks.
As the house is his, I am the one moving out. I am moving into my parents' second floor flat. I figure that this will make the transition slightly easier for the kid. There are a lot of pros and cons to this, including that my mother will be downstairs (both a pro for support and a con because you've read my blog), but I have decided that it is the best move for me to make financially and practically, if not emotionally. Everything in this house will stay here as Lila will be spending a lot of her time here and he is not willing to give me much of anything. This means that I have to figure out how I will furnish an apartment on a part-time income until I can find a full time job.
The car is also in his name. He has not agreed to sign the car over to me even though he told me it was a gift when I was pregnant because he has some plan to trade it and his work truck in for a new work/play vehicle. He has told me I can "use" it for a few months until I can get something. I say fuck him and keep working on him giving me the car as I feel it is the least he can do.
The worst part of this whole thing is that I have not yet told the kid. My feeling is that we wait until a week or two before the move happens so that she doesn't have too much time to worry and she has a little time to ask questions and be reassured. I dread this conversation.
Lila loves having us all together. She makes a point to force us into the same room to be with her and insists on doing things like grocery shopping together. I worry that she is going to fall apart and always cry for the other parent when she is with either one of us. I worry that she will lose that trusting happy-go-lucky personality and feel like her whole world was turned upside down. I worry that she will never forgive us.
I came from a household where my parents stayed together just for the kids' sake and remember knowing how miserable and angry they were all the time. I don't want to do this to her. But coming from an intact family means that I have no idea what to expect from her in the weeks and months after the split. I don't know how long she will need to adjust or when I should expect her to stop crying to go "home".
I am not completely convinced that this is the right thing for HER even though I know it is the right thing for her father and I, and even though everyone seems to say that splitting up is better than staying together miserable. I just don't know that this will prove to be the case.
I would like to hear from any of you who have had the experience of splitting with small children. How did you get through it? How did THEY handle it?
Posted by Selena