Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Holy Shit! It's JUST A SCRAPE!

My kid scraped her leg yesterday.  This should not be blog worthy news but there are some things about her that you need to understand.

1. She has NEVER bled.  I am not kidding.  This kid has this weird inpenetrable skin and has never gotten a real cut.  Only bruises and bumps and scrapes that don't bleed.  Therefore:

2. Lila believes that a scrape is the most painful thing that can befall a person.  There is no way to convey to a kid her age that there are things like broken limbs, head gashes and period cramps that she may have to look forward to.

SO last night Lila was screaming like a banshee because her scrape was hurting her. 

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but I am serious when I say she cried for 3 fucking hours about a scrape.  I am not downplaying this.  See if you can spot the scrape on her little knee:


Yeah it's hard to see.  Here is a super enhanced version with scrape seeking technology so that you can actually find the thing that caused 3 hours of misery:



Yes.  It's there.  No, it isn't a shadow.  It's a little scrape.  Did I mention that she cried about it for
3 fucking hours?????

After the first hour and a half, it was clear that no amount of pain relief ointment or band aids were going to help.  Because she just insisted that it made it hurt more.  And finally I had to resort to the mean trick that I swore I would never do.  I told her that if it hurts that much, we should go to the hospital and have it removed.  The leg. 

It's funny how she calmed right down and suddenly it didn't hurt as much anymore.  In fact, it felt so much better that she wanted to run around and have some ice cream. 

14 comments:

  1. LOL, oh the joys! I call my son a Drama Queen because he will pull the same shit. It's not always a scrap, but sometimes bug bites or whatever. I put lavender on it and tell him to deal.

    The best one was a week or so ago. I was reading on the balcony and he comes outside, still crying and whining(for like an hour) about some Pokemon cards (ones that I wouldn't give him because they were mine, and I guess he just realized they're "rare"), and he tells me "You've ruined my dream!" and plops down to cry some more about it. Pokemon cards. Ruined Dreams. I sighed and told him to go back inside. I think it was another hour before we had to threaten using the shredder to fix his problem of cards!

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  2. When Hunter swears up and down that the littest thing hurts I ask him if he needs to go to the doctors for a shot. He shuts right up! lol

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  3. Ugh. My older son is the same way. He's nine and has probably only needed (as opposed to WANTED) about a dozen band-aids in his life time. He can probably recount for you in full detail each and every time he's bled. I've gotten to the point where my patience runs out completely and I say, "Suck it up". Makes me feel like mother of the year.

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  4. I have TOTALLY said the exact same thing to my kids when they freak out about a scrape or whatnot. Then they shriek, "No!!!" and I say, "I'm sorry sweetie, but it's really for the best. Lots of people do just fine with 9 fingers and 1 foot." Then we do a Google image search. Then they shut up.

    Perspective.

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  5. You crack me up! Think of it this way--your daughter has a very dynamic personality! Maybe she'll be famous some day.

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  6. I am using that line the next time DramaBoy starts his shenanigans.

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  7. I'm guna go ahead and say you MIGHT want to take a vacation when she is older and about ready to have a baby...or just start giving her an epidural the week before she might pop....Prepare now!!! lol

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  8. My mom was clever and let me get my ears pierced at 5. Then I never complained about shots or the dentist.
    -Chimpo

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  9. Shit. Whatever works to stop the screaming, I say.

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  10. Dude, I dont think that was mean!
    I think that was genius!
    I'm so using that when my kid reaches an age where she screams for 3 hrs over nothing!!

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  11. Oh, the drama, the drama! I'm so glad you survived. It was obviously more of an ordeal for you than her!

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  12. Hi there I found you from the Lady's Tea Party and I'm glad I did. Mentioning the hospital always works around here!

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  13. Loved the--super enhanced version with scrape seeking technology!

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  14. From a psychologist's perspective, I think you are an awesome mom! And also, you better start a savings account for her future therapy, LOL!

    (Dropped by from TRDC and glad I did - loved the post!)

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