Wednesday, January 26, 2011


I don't normally mix politics and parenting (and in fact, I never link to my politics blog) but this is one time where I feel that my opinion seems more relevant on a blog about my kid. 

Last night after President Obama gave his State of the Union address, Representative Paul Ryan from Wisconsin gave the Republican response.  As an extremely liberal progressive, I rolled my eyes for most of it.  But then he pulled the "parent card" and that just pissed me off.

Paul Ryan was talking about the Federal debt and how if we continue on our current path, our children will inherit a shitty country.  I do not disagree with this sentiment.  In fact, on at least ONE occasion, I have worried that the Lila will not be able to go to college or find a job if she does.  But then that asshole Ryan pulled the drama card.  he said (and I quote):

"Frankly, it's one of my greatest concerns as a parent — and I know many of you feel the same way."

First off, NO.  I don't feel the same way.  When I put my concerns as a parent in a top 5 kind of list, the NATIONAL DEBT does not end up in the "top".  Maybe in the top 20.  Or 50.  But there's PLENTY of things to worry about as a parent.

It must be truly awesome to be a Congressman.  You obviously never have to worry about not being able to feed your kids.  You never have to worry about whether you can afford to take them to the doctor if they get sick.  You never have to worry that you will have to send them to a shitty public school where they won't learn a damned thing and need to go through metal detectors to get in.  You never have to worry that your kid will grow up with a sense of entitlement (because they will likely never have to want for much).  You never have to worry about not being able to pay the rent or mortgage and having to force your kid to live in your car.  You never have to worry about not being able to buy them nice clothes so that the kids at school don't make fun of them.  You never have to worry that they will grow up without a sense of right and wrong and end up in prison because you can always get them out of it (and they can always go on to be in Congress).  You never have to worry that the crappy processed food you feed them is killing them because it's all you can afford.  Do I need to keep going?  Because I have at least 15 more things that I am worried about as a parent, RIGHT NOW.

Frankly, you are in the minority.  In the fantastic and priviliged world you live in, this WOULD be your GREATEST fucking concern as a parent.  And this is why I don't vote Republican.  Because although you may find it if you look hard enough, you would be WAAAAY less likely to find a Democrat who thinks the FEDERAL DEBT is the GREATEST concern to parents. 

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Throwing fits like an asshole.

I am the Mommy.  I am in charge.  I do not put up with the kid's tantrums.  I will send her little ass to bed.  But I seriously DREAD having to tell her to do anything because I just don't want the fight.  And that little asshole totally knows it. 

Everyone tells me that if I am firm and don't react too much to it, it will stop but since I became determined not to yell and scream and freak out at her, the anger is just building and I fear that I am going to slap her.  She is such a little bitch sometimes.

Tonight I made Daddy deal with it.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Because Kids Can Be Assholes Too.

I really enjoy my days off.  Thoroughly.  I like sitting at home.  I like watching TV.  I like spending quiet peaceful time doing nothing and maybe even taking a shower.  But my one weekday each week that I don't work I spend with Lila. And in order to keep from losing my mind, I try to find something to do that she will enjoy that doesn't involve me sitting on the couch with the inter-webs open all day.

Lila loves books and the library and she knows everyone who works at the small branch library near our house so she is always thrilled when I tell her we are going to go to story time.  Yesterday, when I asked her if she wanted to go, she was all thrilled and excited and sang a song about how she was going to pick out some books and hang out with Mrs. Barbara, the story time librarian.  I told her what time it started and what time I would be getting her dressed.  I gave her a five minute warning so that she would be "finished" playing. 

About 30 minutes before the start of story time I called upstairs to her.  "Lila, it's time to come on down so we can get ready to go."  I got no answer.  So I went upstairs.  She was in her room playing with her dollhouse and I called her name.  She ignored me.  So I turned around and said, "well, we don't HAVE to go to story time.  We can stay here and you can play if you want to." 

It seemed innocent enough but she lost her mind at this.  First she started whining.  When I told her to stop whining she started to scream and throw a fit.  I talked calmly to her explaining that story time is starting at 10 am whether we are there or not, so if we want to go we have to get ready to go NOW.  She started her wild flailing around screaming "I DON'T WANT TO GET READY RIGHT NOW!" to which I simply said, "Fine, Lila.  You can stay here and throw a fit then.  Let me know when you're done."  She was kicking ans screaming and throwing herself on the floor.  Then she hit her head on her dresser and started crying, so I went back in and attempted to calm her down.  We talked again, and again I explained that if she wants to go to story time she needed to get dressed and we had to get going.  I explained that this was her CHOICE to either stay and play OR get ready and go to story time.  She simply said, "NO".  At least three times, I attempted to calm her down and explain the situation, but each time I only got more attitude and sass. 

She was getting more and more upset and I was getting more and more frustrated.  I realized that the best thing to do was to put her in her room, close the door and walk away.  So I did.  She came out screaming (tantrum-ing) and I told her to get her ass back into her room because I was getting angry, but she started screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO STORY TIME NOW!!!" over and over and over. 

"That little asshole," I thought.  "I'm taking HER somewhere where SHE wants going to have fun.  What the hell am I fighting with her for?  She totally doesn't understand that this is something I couldn't care less about.  And yet, she is creating this fucking scene and I am falling for it.  And I am a terrible parent because I have no idea how to handle the situation and show her that I am the mother and I am only doing this FOR HER..."

So I lost it.  I started yelling at her that she was being a total brat and there was no way I was taking her to story time now that she was behaving so badly.  She cried and cried and cried and screamed and threw a fit, and somehow all of this seemed too much for me so I went into my bedroom, slammed the door, and the floodgates opened and I found myself sobbing.  "We're not fucking going and it's NOT my fault," I cried to myself.  Somehow I felt guilty that I couldn't control her and keep it together and just make it possible to get her dressed to take her to story time. 

After a few minutes, I heard my door creak open.  I hadn't noticed that she had stopped crying and was listening to me.  She crept in and I tried to dry my face.  But she knew.  I turned to look at her and saw her panic stricken and scared and then that expression changed and she said, "you're making me cry..." and she started crying and hugging me. 

So in the aftermath, I explained to her that from this point on, if we are going to do something fun and she throws a fit and doesn't listen, we simply will not do it.  But I swear, spanking or slapping would probably work better.  When I was a kid, if I ever acted like that, I would have been slapped in the mouth and then I would have knocked that shit off after a minute or two and we could get the hell on with our plans.  Why is parenting such bullshit nowadays?  And why do I feel it's necessary to take her anywhere if she is such an asshole about it?

Sunday, January 16, 2011

I know nothing about children

Seriously.  I am an idiot when it comes to small humans.  I had no younger siblings, I didn't do a whole lot of babysitting as a teenager, and I was never one of those people who just LOVED children.  It was actually quite a surprise to me that I would even have one.

The other night, we all went out to eat and Lila was complaining that her "mouth hurt".  It's a pretty vague complaint and since she just sat there and whined and refused to eat and also refused to elaborate in any way about exactly WHAT hurt, I just ignored her and kept telling her to eat her (Goddamned) dinner.  We got home and she was tired and miserable so I gave her some Tylenol and put her to bed.  She was up all night being miserable and crying.  She threw up once and I thought, "Maybe she has a stomach bug."  I slept with her and let her kick and nudge me all night.  Neither of us got much sleep which sucks because I am battling my own sinus infection that just will not go away.

First thing in the morning, I decided to give her a bath.  She was fevery and refused to eat breakfast or take Tylenol and I truthfully just wanted her to stop whining for a few minutes.  When I got her shirt off, I realized that she was BRIGHT RED.  Seriously.  Her whole torso, front and back looked like she spent 3 hours out in the sun.  It was JUST her torso and the back of her neck and I thought it felt warm so I figured it must just be from the fever.  After a 20 minute bath (where she informed me that she felt MUCH better) the redness didnt even begin to subside, even though her skin was no longer hot. 

Her back was like the middle one, her
front was like the one on the right..
and bumpy-ish.

I dried her off and thought, "wow.  Her skin sure is dry.  I better put some lotion on it."  A few minutes later, she was crying and miserable again and still refused to eat anything. I started to think that MAYBE the bright red skin and the sore throat might be somehow connected so I called the doctor requesting a call back just to ask about it. 

When the nurse called me back, I told her about the lack of appetite, the fever, the "mouth hurting" and the fact that she was bright red.  The nurse asked if her skin felt scaly or sandpapery and I said, "why yes..but it's just dry."  She told me to bring Lila in right away...she probably has Scarlet Fever and a Strep Infection. 

I was suddenly the worst mother on Earth.  Lila has a STREP INFECTION and STREP THROAT and I was just writing it off as "not feeling good."

Part of this I chalk up to my lack of knowledge of childrens' illnesses, and part of it I assume is because although I am a hypochondriac, rationally I know that most of the time it's nothing.  But what I really blame this oversight on is the fact that I have no health insurance.  When you don't have insurance, there are only two options.  Either you go to the terrifying health clinics that are located in the worst parts of town or you wait until you are near death to make a doctors appointment.  On a Saturday, when the clinics aren't open, you tend to do the latter.  And you rationalize this decision by telling  yourself, "I'm sure it's nothing".

You will be happy to know that LITERALLY 24 hours after starting her antibiotics, Lila is acting like nothing ever happened.  She is eating and playing and tellling me "I don't feel sick anymore today."  Later on, I am going to take her for ice cream.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

So...about making 2011 my bitch...

HOLY SHIT, I am so sick.  I had a cold that was brought home to me from a certain someone's preschool, but it has hung around and mutated and turned into some kind of monsterous inside my head, behind my eyes demon that causes throbbing, painful ears, and inabilty to talk or swallow without crying.

But as soon as the antibiotics kick in, I am about to bitch slap the world into my image.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


Like most of us, I cannot WAIT to get my holiday decorations put away and forgot about.  But for a three year old, there is no limit to how long one can go on singing The Chipmunk's Christmas Song over and over and over and over...

The tree is gone.  The new clothes have all been washed, and yet every time I turn around I hear ..."I still want a hoooooola hooooop...."