Saturday, April 30, 2011

I think it's working

I think that the crap I am taking to combat my shitty mood disorder is actually working!

I went back to the Doctor after my last little crash when he told me that my blood work doesn't show anything REALLY wrong with me I nearly collapsed because I just cannot seem to kick this depression in any significant way even though I am always on some kind of (expensive and uninsured) medication. 

He suggested two things.  I try to limit my processed foods because there is some kind of link between people who eat crap all day and people who are insane (not the medical terminology he used) and add Abilify to the crap meds I am already taking.

The things a girl will do to feel normal...
I objected, of course.  I LOVE ME some easy frozen dinners and lunch meat, but he insisted.  Plus, he told me that sometimes adding Abilify to a drug that isn't really effective creates a reaction that makes it work better.  And I told him that since that he didn't tell me I needed to exercise more, I was on board. 

Two weeks later and I feel like my mind is clear for the first time since I had Lila.  HOLY SHIT.  This must be how normal people feel.  I even tried to take a little nap yesterday and wasn't tired at all!

Of course, this is opening up a huge rift inside me that I have done a fantastic job of denying until now.  My relationship is a mess, and I am starting to see that my anger may not be a side effect of the depression after all.  I think that my depression comes from me numbing my negative feelings and allowing them to fester. 

A part of me is worried about what this is going to mean to the state of my family.  Luckily I have a therapist who can hopefully help me to work all this out and not allow me to make any decisions until I am sure that I know what the hell is going on.

It feels good to be free!


  1. Well, it seems that a whole new world has just opened up for you. Scary, perhaps, but a new one to conquer nontheless. You will have many people, including myself, right by your side as this happens. So remember, you are not alone!

  2. LOVE your blog.
    So happy I stumbled on it.
    We need to get you on the twitter!


    I am so, SO happy you're starting to feel better!

  4. Happy to hear that! Take it one step at a time, and keep on moving forward :)

  5. WOW. So happy for you. One day at a time! There will still be rough days no matter how sane you feel, but I hope you are encouraged by this!

  6. If you're genuinely serious (I would have joked about this kind of shit, before, too.) then I'm really really proud of you. I absolutely completely know *exactly* what you are talking about. Hugs. In theory, of course.

  7. It is amazing when the meds finally start helping :) At the same time, isn't it not so great to realize what you've been missing? I will bet the food thing will help, too. It really has helped me. And lastly, let your therapist help you! Sounds like that's your plan and a good one :)

  8. First off, YES....TOTALLY SERIOUS. (?)

    But The initial energy boost has work off and I am still tired but feeling better over all. The next phase is to start exercising (pure evil) but I haven't gotten there yet. I will post an update soon.


I love comments. What did you think?