Sunday, April 17, 2011

I sure feel sexy. Here's your dirty facts.

WOW!  I have never won anything in my life and now it turns out that there's TWO people who love me!

So in the spirit of fulfilling my obligation and in order to claim my prize (s), I am going to meet the prerequisite demands that such an honor requires.

First off, thank you to NEVE at Edge of Crazy for this one:

In order to claim this, I have to tell a really naughty juicy secret about myself:

I was kind of a groupie. 

No seriously.  There was a band in the 90's (who I will not mention) but they were big enough to have a top 40 hit and if you heard their songs on the radio, you'd be all like, "I remember these guys!  What the hell happened to them?"  I LOVED them and swore that I would find my way onto their tour bus one way or another. 

I met the drummer when I was 18 at one of their shows and he got me drunk and we made out on the tour bus.  We exchanged phone numbers or whatever and I thought that would be the end of it.  Three days later he called me just to chat and we had several months of phone sex while he was on the road.  That fizzled out when he went back home, and he stopped calling so I just assumed it was over. 

The following spring (about 3 months later) he called to tell me he'd be doing a show nearby.  So I got all slutted up and showed up at his hotel and did all the dirty things we talked about months before.  

On a tour bus in Toronto.  Yes, that IS a leopard-print shirt
he's wearing.  Oh, and it was mine.
They did many shows in the Northeast around that time and I dragged my friend along to as many as I could.  Then they played a show in my hometown.  My mother insisted I bring him to our neighborhood bar and he hung out and smoked pot with my uncle and my mother and her friends oooh'd and ahhhh'd about a real-life rock star in the bar (lame, I know). 

I got to meet some other cool people when they did a festival-type show, including Iggy Pop (which really was the high point of that time period).

When he went home, I understood that it was over and he had a life to return to so that was that. 

SO there's my dirty little secret.  I really hope my kid never reads this.


The other award comes from Kristy at Pampers and Pinot
She said I have been making her laugh lately and then my last two posts were kind of a huge pity party so I suppose that just illustrates that I really am "versitile".

For this one I have to tell you all 7 fantastic (or not) random facts about me.  So here they are:

1.  I haven't worn shorts or a skirt above my ankles in about 7 years (and I lived in Arizona for 4 of those).  I have dermatillomania and if you google it try not to look at the pictures because those will give you nightmares.  Mine is a less extreme (but still kind of bad) version of that and I only do it to my legs for some reason.  Right now they're nice and smooth (but horribly scarred) and I am praying I can get to the summer and be able to take my kid to the beach for the first time this year without being ashamed.

2. When I had my second ultrasound I totally freaked out the tech girl by telling her I needed to see my baby's arms to make sure she didn't have claws.  I also made her tell me she did not have horns.

I was pretty sure I THIS
is what I would see
3. I used to have fantastic boobs (the "nice rack award" made me think of this one).  I LOVED them and used to show them off to anyone who would have a look.  I always thought that if I gained weight that they would be larger, more voluptuous versions of what I had.  WRONG.  They're pretty much the same size only flatter and closer to my belly-button.
Yeah...I was THAT girl...

4. I drink at least 6 cups of coffee every day.

5. I am still pissed off about the ending of Lost.  I realize it's been nearly a year and that it was just a TV show, but fuck that shit!  The show consumed me for about 6 years and it turns out they all just "go to the light"?  Seriously?  I have dreams sometimes about all the better possible endings that would have made the whole story make sense.  Maybe I should be writing for TV.

6. My kid is exactly like me.  Seriously.  I really feel sorry for her father because all the shit I get annoyed with is shit I do to him.

7. Blogging has changed my life.  I know this is cheese-ballish but it's true.  I think I desperately needed an outlet for all the ramblings in my head and having a bunch of people read my thoughts and respond and "get it" has made all the difference in the world for me.  I have never had a huge group of friends but I feel like the people who read my blog and comment and appreciate what I say are like the buddies I don't have out here in the real world.  And I am forever grateful for you all.

ps.  I was looking at the old blog I kept on the myspace and it was fucking AWESOME!  But no one uses the myspace anymore.  I may need to cut and paste all these absurd posts somewhere for reference when I am depressed.

p.p.s  I know I need to pass these awards on, but since my kid broke my laptop (AGAIN...FUCK YOU NICK JR.COM!!) I am working on this ancient computer in Ben's office and everything takes three times as long.  SO I am going to think about it and post my awards later.  Stay tuned.


  1. Well, I'm stumped. I can't figure out the band. I made in on to Poison's tour bus several times but I was nevr a groupie (sighs sadly)

    I keep telling myself that it was because I was preggers two of those times.

  2. That is such a JUICY really naughty juicy secret! Thanks for letting us sort of in on it ;-)

    It was fun to read your 7 random facts... I love finding more out about the people I 'follow'. I once had those awesome-kind of boobs, too :( It was fun while it lasted!

  3. "ps. I was looking at the old blog I kept on the myspace and it was fucking AWESOME! But no one uses the myspace anymore. I may need to cut and paste all these absurd posts somewhere for reference when I am depressed."

    OMFG - ME TOO!!!! I swear to you I was thinking the EXACT same thing today. Ironically, all my posts there were about "real" shit even though it was as far from anonymous as possible. Maybe we should take back Myspace and make it cool again!

  4. Oh and I'm dying to know what band you're talking about. :P

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    Hailey William


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