I have never been on a diet in my life.
Go ahead...let the disbelief wash over you. And now for the "I'm gonna slap this bitch" part.
Up until I was about 25, I was a naturally skinny girl. In my teens, I just COULDN'T gain weight and was often accused of having an eating disorder. Sometimes, I just played along and said I did so that people would leave me alone. When I was 20, I developed really bad hypochondria (and all kinds of anxiety problems to go with it), convinced that I had a tapeworm or cancer or AIDS and I became obsessed with fat people and how their bodies looked compared to my disgustingly skeletal frame. I also believed that I was allergic to wheat, eggs, tomatoes, potatoes, milk and Chinese food. Do the math on that one...it doesn't leave much.
When I got to be about 23, I finally started to fill out. I assumed my metabolism was just slowing down and LOVED the fact that I was finally able to fill out a bra.
But it never stopped. Between 23 and 27, I had gained 25 lbs, which wasn't bad except that I really didn't have the money to clothes shop and my shit generally didn't fit for long. Oddly, when I had Lila, I had little problem taking off the baby weight, losing all of it in about 8 months (I didn't breastfeed and the anxiety of being a new mother meant I had no appetite either).
But something happened when we moved back to Upstate NY. In 2 and a half years, I have gained another 35 lbs. I gained 20 lbs in one 6 month period and that alone made my doctor order tests.
But there's nothing wrong with me physically causing this. It's other things.
I hate to exercise. I NEVER liked sports or sweating for that matter and I really don't get it when people talk about "the runners high". What I DO enjoy is napping. Oh, and sitting. I spend a lot of time sitting and even more time snacking. In fact, after 33 years of eating whatever I want whenever I want, I think it's pretty much a part of who I am.
So recently, after another round of tests and a depression whose most tedious symptom is this God-awful exhaustion, I have decided that something has to give or I am going to die. Literally. It turns out that I weigh RIGHT NOW what I weighed when I was 9 months pregnant and I am really pissed that I got rid of my maternity pants because my jeans DO NOT flatter my overflow at all. Looking in the mirror the other day, I realized that my belly sticks out further than my boobs ad that is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE for someone who isn't pregnant, but it DOES allow me to park in the "Expecting Mothers" space at the grocery store (who's dumb enough to start that argument?). And I keep hearing that belly fat is particularly deadly and I swear, its ONLY my belly (since I can't see my ass I am going with that, mmmkay?).
|It's kind of like this guy...|
|I am Bill Murry in What About Bob...|
Let me explain. First off, it is impossible for me to be "full" eating shit like skinless chicken breast with herb-roasted vegetables and whole grain pasta. Isn't there some rule about how whole grain stuff is "more filling" than refined crap? Because I am pretty sure that when I did the same meal with vegetables cooked with oil and butter and a whole chicken with the skin, I felt full after. I didn't make my portion smaller (remember, baby steps) and yet I found I was hungry after like 15 minutes.
The other thing is that I am hungry ALL DAY. Grazing doesn't really work either because I will literally EAT ALL FUCKING DAY. Apple: not filling. Wheat toast with peanut butter: not filling. 10 almonds (because that's a serving size...): Not filling. 14 Oreos are filling. A giant-size Snickers bar (serving size 3...according to the package) is filling. 4 slices of pizza with pepperoni is filling.
So to those of you who have had some success with changing your eating habits, please tell me...How do you fight being hungry all the time?
On a side note...After a nice dinner of turkey burgers, roasted potatoes and a spinach salad I felt full...for 10 minutes. Then I found myself picking at the rest of the potatoes while I was supposed to be cleaning up and I am fucking DYING for anything sweet for dessert. Is there some trick to this or is it really a matter of me never developing any will power? Because I may just have to choose to be fat forever if I will just feel pissed off and hungry all the time.
(Images courtesy of google images...they're not really mine)