Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Not JUST being lazy...but

I am going to let my friend Amanda tell you how she has fucked up her children because I love her.  And because I want to share my forum with other people who agree that Motherhood is one guilt-inducing fuck up after another.  Enjoy:

I've messed up my kids. No, really. Hugely and badly. I think. But I do know that since you can't control your own genes, you should definitely be careful about what kinds of other genes you bequeath them. My 3 children have inherited the worst genes from both sides.

I dropped out of community college at 19 because I had this awesome boyfriend who was a really stand up guy and I wanted to spend all of my time with him. And because I lived on my own (with 2 roommates), nobody could tell me what to do - you know, because I was mature and strong and untouchable. Except somehow, before long at allactually, that laid back guy flip sided as a gross lazy cheat of a manchild. I split, moved back home, re-met a guy I'd known since middle school and married him. I moved from my conservative, Mormon family's home in California's central valley to Berkeley, where my brainiac husband had entered his PhD. program, which brings us up to date.

I'm a first born, strong willed, creative, (usually optimistic), introverted, lefter than liberal, bipolar, aquarian frustrated artist. My husband is an only child, brilliant, hardcore nerd, valedictorian, overachiever, master scholar doctor, published author, mechanical engineer, thinker. 

So then our two children that we had biologically together are smug, self aware, perfectionist assholes. They get every part of it right, and they do it perfectly. They are both extremely in tune with themselves (others, not so much) and independent thinkers = They are self centered narcissists and will not be told what to do. And then there's my firstborn, the daughter my husband legally adopted. She is very in tune with herself and is very personable and easy to get along with = A charming and beautiful teenage daughter who is one of the Popular Girls. I add that last bit because seriously that's a punishment for me.

Neither of these two types of kids are easy to parent. While I do realize that my younger two kids' personality traits are really pretty desirable and will serve them well in life as they get older, it's hard to give that a rat's ass when you have a flash of brief empathy for the mom you just heard about on the news. And while I actually really enjoy my eldest daughter's company (she's pretty hilarious and fun to hang out with), I worry endlessly and desperately about her lack of drive or initiative in her grades/future. At nearly 16 years old, she has literally zero idea of what she'd like to do "when she grows up", and it also has not dawned on her that her current 1.5 grade point average will not facilitate this training anyway. Her biological dad was kind of (to put it nicely) 'dim' intellectually. And not everyone really wants or needs to go to 12 years of college and grad school to become a mechanical engineer. So it's not like we're expecting her to be a doctor or anything (god that sounds pitiful). Honestly all I want is for her to be happy with her path. If she's driven to be a photographer or a nanny (holy crap I'd kill myself first) or a bus driver, that's cool. Whatever. But she doesn't seem to have a clue.

Nobody tells you this stuff. Having kids all over the spectrum (pun intended) age wise (5, 9, and 15), I assure you we're having An Event or five hundred on any given day. But I guess they really are some pretty awesome short people. When I realize that I really don't want them to change, I guess it's going okay. Pretty well actually.

But don't quote me.

If you want to see some of what Amanda really does (she is not a blogger but a beautiful crafter) go here:


  1. I think the devil horns really do me justice.

  2. Awesome post, I loved it. My daughter is intellectually LAZY, and it drives me nuts because she's so witty and observant. Ah well, in her own time, right?


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