Wednesday, June 15, 2011

They say they know VERY early

As a mother, I often feel the need to prescribe meaning to every little thing my kid does.  She likes to wear tappy shoes?  She needs to take tap lessons.  She wants me to buy her paint?  Maybe she'll be an artist.  Everything and anything becomes some prediction of her future.  I know this is insane but when she said what she said, I obviously raised an eyebrow.
The other night I was chatting with Lila, all relaxed and cozy and ready for bedtime when the subject came to her friends at preschool.  Devon is her BEST friend and she has to walk out holding hands with her every day.  She has professed her LOVE for Devon on many occasions and the two often kiss on the lips.  I just chalk it up to her being best friends with this other overly affectionate little girl.

Then she said something to me that I partially applauded and which also made me nervous.  "Mommy," she said.  "I think Devon is my boyfriend but she's a girl.  Is that okay?" 

"Of course it's okay," I said, as open-minded liberal free love mother of the year.  But somewhere inside (and this is a HUGE confession because I am completely in love with the gays on every level) I was nervous.  What if she is (gulp) a lesbian???? 

When I was pregnant Ben and I joked about how we wanted her to be a lesbian so that we wouldnt have to worry about teenage boys and I totally know that when it came down to it I wouldn't care.  But being gay is still a hard life in this country.  Who wants their kid to have to grow up doubting and being made fun of and not being able to marry who the hell they want?  Or being this guy:

They always go just a LITTLE too far...
image via

Then I stopped myself because I realized that she is not quite four and likely just has a little friend crush and isn't interested in boys yet.

But most people that I know DO say that they knew when they were VERY young...Shit.

On a totally unrelated side note, when I searched for a picture of lesbians, I couldnt get any to come up because there were too many explicit images.  There is something very wrong with that.


  1. or you saw the pictures and mistook them for guys.

  2. Another post full of win. I LOVE the ball and chain attached to the binky, hilarious and ohsotrue. I know where you're coming from. When Zach was 4 he loved nothing better than dressing up in his sister's clothes and wearing nail polish. He also came downstairs one morning wearing ponytails and said, in a high falsetto, "Hi, I'm Lisa!"


    I immediately envisioned a lifetime of being teased and taunted and attacked. Then I said to myself, "self, get a grip. He's 4."

    So I said, "Hi Lisa, what would you like for breakfast?"

  3. I couldn't help but laugh when I read this, because a friend and me had this same conversation (about what you would do/say if your kid was gay.) I know people say they knew very early, but I think four is probably a little early. They are totally ignorant of stuff like that, anyway. My son is eleven, and he just now is confessing to some girls he has crushed on.

    On a different but related note, my husband was all bummed because my son likes Big Time Rush so much. He has trouble understanding Ian likes them so much because he wants to be cool like them. (I guess--hell, now you've got ME started.)

  4. i do find it interesting b/c what is the fine line. my 6 year old has said she kissed a girl and they all seems like the normal girl stuff. i would actually hope my child did know early so i could help her/him as early as possible with making sure they were not hiding and trying to change what they can't change.


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