Saturday, June 4, 2011

Another Confession about Motherhood

As I sit here I am sweating and hyperventilating and having all the typical fight or flight panic symptoms. 

Am I being stalked by a wild animal?  You could say that.

Am I about to be attacked by some crazed lunatic in the middle of the night?  Maybe.

Am I simply underconfident and know I am going to have my will and my patience tested to the point of breaking?  Yes.  For sure.

What is it that is causing me such distress?  I am alone all weekend with my three-year-old.

For most of you this is probably where you roll your eyes and click over to TMZ or some youtube video of a cat getting its little head stuck in a glass while trying to get a drop of milk (I saw it.  It's cute, right?).  Because I know that for many of you who are single mothers or full time stay at home moms, this is nothing you don't do all the time.

But for me, it terrifies me to no end.

Ben had to fly out to Arizona to take care of some things that were left undone when we moved back here.  IT was a last-minute thing,  so I only had a couple of days to prepare myself for the hell that would unfold when Lila got bored/annoyed/angry/her usual self with me and started to work my last nerve. I did not have ample time to work out a plan as to what I would do instead of just calling in The Big Guns (also known as "Daddy") to take over for a little while so that I didn't have a nervous breakdown.


Me after the FIRST
12 hours of continuous
whining.

I am afraid of a three year old. Not that I would ever let her in on that.  OHHHH No!  This is something I keep on the inside while I go about my day making sure we both eat and sleep and poop and keep ourselves in one piece.

Because I KNOW that I am the adult.  I know that I am in charge.  I know that we will be fine.  There is really honestly not a doubt in my mind that we will both survive this 4 day MOMMY-FEST relatively unharmed and only minimally emotionally drained.  And yet, the IDEA of not having backup around the house fills me with nothing short of complete and absolute dread.

Am I the only mother who feels this way?  Should I be committed?  Is it wrong that I depend so heavily on another person to keep the peace around here?  Do I need a body guard?

8 comments:

  1. I totally know what you are feeling! I go through this every time my husband goes out of town... which is sort of often-ish :P

    Do you have a friend who could come over and provide a little illusion of help?

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  2. Hey I love being a stay at home mom and the thought of my husband working late or being gone for the weekend gives me the runs

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  3. 3 year old scare me too. Heck - that's why I don't have children. ;-)

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  4. Oh, no. You are not alone. It is always so much easier when the husband is around. I don't like it when he leaves on trips either. Honestly though, everything usually goes better than I think it will, and sometimes I even enjoy doing things on my own, but the anticipation of it is yucky for sure.

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  5. Ok let's try this again...

    I chose you for one of my Versatile Blog Awards! Come see what it's all about. Versatile Blog Award Hope you get a chance to check it out, pass it on....throw it in the trash, who knows...LOL..Have Fun!!!

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  6. No. I'm dreading my day with my kids just while hubs is at work for one day.

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  7. I'm about to be alone for the first time this weekend with my (needy) three month old who never sleeps. I'm terrified

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