Soooo....a couple of months ago (when I was on internet vacation) one of my favorite bloggers over at From Diapers to Diatribes bestowed an award upon me that is truly the award I have been waiting for. I suppose it's better late than never.
As you all know, world domination is one of my fantasies, so this is completely AWESOME!!!
This award allows me to change ANY 3 things I want to, IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. After much careful consideration, I have settled upon the following things:
1. Effective immediately, children will work by remote control until they are old enough to understand that the Mommy is in charge and they can't do anything about it. Have a headache and your kid keeps singing the theme song to Spongebob? Simply hit the VOLUME-DOWN button. Temper tantrum? MUTE. Need 15 minutes to yourself? PAUSE. And the best one...At bedtime simply turn the power off.
2. Any time you are out in public and someone is acting like an asshole, you get to call for everyone's attention and take a vote as to whether or not the person deserves to be backhanded for their douchy-ness. If necessary, you and the douchbasket can each make a short statement. If the majority votes yes, you can slap them. I believe this will greatly improve the public behavior of all of us.
3. Dumb, mind-numbing websites will have a built-in 30 minute time limit. Seriously. Do you know how much time I spent reading Damn You Autocorrect this morning? And there is NO REASON to spend more than 10 minutes at a time scrolling through Facebook updates or playing Farmville. Of course, blogs that have actual WORDS in them are excluded from this rule.
Now the hard part: I have to decide who I want to give this award to...