First up, Haircuts. Since I moved back to Upstate NY 4 years ago, I haven't had a good haircut. The last time(earlier this week), I wanted to cut my shoulder-length hair short so I showed the lady this picture:
I always, ALWAYS hate the way they style it, so when I looked in the mirror and saw myself with short hair, I figured it was just the gel (yes, GEL. Welcome back to the 90's) the lady put in it and that would look super cute once I got home and did it myself. I showered and blow dried my hair and this is what I looked like:
I have been to 4 different places and no one seems to be able to do what the students at the Tony and Guy academy in Phoenix could do. And they were still learning!
Next on the Shit list are My ghetto "friends" on Facebook, who feel the need to play out all their super-ghetto drama RIGHT THERE ON the Facebook. Seriously. NO ONE cares about your ex- boyfriend's drug charges or your cousin, who (did the world a favor and) ratted you to DSS for getting your teenage daughter high. Especially if it is going to lead to a 43 comment battle between you and the person you intended your passive aggressive comment for. Here's a little quiz for you:
Do you know why our parents' generation would never put their business out there for the neighbors to see? No, not because they're lame and there was no Facebook. It's because they aren't assholes and they knew their neighbors would just think they were trashy. (Yes, I realize some of us have parents who probably WOULD do this. I guess I am thinking about NORMAL parents).
Next up: The commercial I heard today. I was driving today and heard a commercial on the radio that said, "If you give a tablet or smart phone this Christmas, the person you give it to will know that you REALLY get them." And my immediate reaction is that are really only a few situations where someone gives a $500 tablet or a $300 smart phone are as follows:
- Parents giving it to their teens, in which case they will NEVER feel you REALLY get them,
- A spouse or boy/girlfriend giving one to a significant other in which case THAT'S WHY YOU'RE WITH THEM! Or
- A guy trying REALLY hard to get into a girl's pants. Hey, I'm not judging. You go girl!
- A "friend" who gives extravagant gifts, in which case please friend me on Facebook.
Finally, there's my kid. I know that there is strong evidence that indicates that children "KNOW" when something is off with one or both of their parents. This causes them to throw hissy-fits and be total assholes when you are least able to handle it. A few weeks ago I would have told you that Lila had magically transformed into a perfect little well-behaved model child. And then one day while we were having lunch, she bit her tongue and turned into Satan. Yup. Just like that. And she has been behaving like a caged animal who wants out ever since. You know why? Because I have been really stressed out at work and am exhausted when I come home. She knows.
But here's the question: If they KNOW that you are not really feeling at your best, then why don't they act WELL BEHAVED when you are stressed out, and like animals the rest of the time when you don't mind it so much? What the hell, Darwin. Shouldn't that be a survival skill that would prove beneficial to their species? Maybe then mother hamsters wouldn't eat their babies. This just proves that kids are stupid.
Of course this is no where near a comprehensive list, but I have to go and attend to my screaming kid now.