About 2 hours ago, I was upstairs putting away laundry and Ben was vacuuming. Suddenly I hear this awful "frhhoooonnnnk" sound followed immediately by a crash and Ben yelling OH NO! Lila starts screaming and I sprint downstairs to find Ben holding her and Lila holding her head. It seems that Lila was looking for something under the couch AT THE SAME TIME that Ben was vacuuming under the couch (!!!!???!!!!). Her hair got caught in the vacuum (as any sane and remotely sensible parent would assume would happen if a girls head gets close to the vacuum cleaner)and she was completely traumatized (as would be expected from a 4 year old that pretty much hates the vacuum because it attempted to eat her head). Needless to say, I didn't have to demand that he apologize for that one. Why is safety never a consideration for some fathers?
|Ours is not nearly as friendly as the Noo Noo.|
Aaaanywhooo....Everyone is alright but there was a HUGE chunk of hair pulled out and it was all tangled into her hair and she screamed while I tried to untangle it because she was afraid she was going to be bald.
Subsequently, the meatloaf Ben was cooking spilled in the oven and the smoke detectors went off for like 15 minutes (because there's literally one in every single room of our small (small) house, they're all wired to go off at the same time, and they're electrical and you can't just pull a battery out of one and be done with it). Lila screamed all through that as well. And since it's like 4 degrees outside, we couldn't just step out on the porch to avoid it all.
And before you all point out the obvious, yes, I realize that he vacuumed AND cooked on the same day. But seriously? You let your kid and the vacuum get that close? Jesus.
Moving on...I skipped last week's Sunday Stealing and since this was a two parter, you get double the fun. Plus I know you just LOOOOVE hearing my stupid answers.
Sunday Stealing: The Never Ending Meme, Part One
Cheers to all of us thieves!
1. Song that always makes you sad?
Anything by Justin Bieber. It isn't sadness, exactly...more of a murderous rage that makes me feel like I need to kill small animals...
2. Last thing you bought?
Prescription sedatives. Ahhhh....sweet relief.
3. Last person you argued with?
There are only 2 possibilities. Ben or Lila. And Lila had a rough day. So you do the math.
4. Do you put butter before putting the peanut butter on?
WHAT??? I am not into food mixing like that. Everyone knows that there is only one thing you are allowed to spread on bread with peanut butter. Chocolate sauce.
5. One of your stuffed animals’ names as a kid?
Like I remember that shit. (actually I had a monkey that my mom tells me was called Mahnu, because I couldn't say monkey. And that I used to refer to any older man with a beard as Mahnu too.)
6. Did you ever at one time own a Barenaked Ladies CD?
Do I look like an asshole? Actually they are from these parts and I think it's hilarious that they have a children's cd out.
7. Favorite day of the week?
Tuesday. I have the day off work, and Lila goes to the sitter.
8. Favorite sundae topping?
Peanut Butter and Hot Fudge. Together.
9. Did you take piano lessons?
I wanted to but since my mother was insane, that never happened. Instead I learned to play terrible 80s ballads on my Casio keyboard.
|Go on, act like you didn't have one...|
10. Most frequent song played?
Since I am not going to go look at itunes to figure this out, I will take a wild guess and say "Rump Shaker" by Wrecks N Effect (ahhhhh Snap!)
11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?
Secretly? Dr Phil. His guests make me feel well adjusted.
12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey?
I would rather slit my wrists.
13. Date someone older or younger?
At this point, if I could score a 24 year old, that would be awesome.
14. One place you could travel right now?
To the bathroom.
15. Do you use umbrellas?
Sure. I also use toilet paper. I am not sure get why this is a question.
16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem?
OH CANADA! OH CANADA! Blah blah blah blah something or other....
17. Favorite cheese?
Any kind that won't make me feel like I have an alien growing in my bowels.
18. The Smith’s or The Cure?
Neither. That was my generation's version of Emo.
19. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?
I prefer well hung.
20. Best job you ever had?
Working at the used bookstore. Until I realized that my boss was extremely unstable and weird.
Sunday Stealing: The Never Ending Meme, Part Two
Cheers to all of us thieves!
21. Did you go to your high school prom?
No. I barely showed up at school.
22. Perfect time to wake up?
23. Perfect time to go to bed?
24. Do you use your queen right away in chess?
I only use my queen to get into the gay bar.
25. Ever been in a car accident?
Yes. Totally not my fault. He should have seen that I wasn't paying the least bit of attention.
26. Closer to mom or dad…or neither?
Used to be my dad. But then he turned into a miserable old man so now it's my mom.
27. What age is this exciting life over for you?
22 (I'm 34).
28. What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?
1975-1985. If I was of the age of sexual consent during the hair metal days, I would have been the trashiest, most aggressive groupie the world has ever seen.
|I totally don't understand why the girly look was sexy back then|
but for some reason, it totally was.
29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?
When I was a kid I had these awful white shoes that had a row of safety pins side by side. My mother hated them which meant I thought they were fucking incredible.
30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?
I burned pretty much any mementos from high school on purpose.
31. Were you in track and field?
Hahahahahahahahahaha! I only run if I am being chased. And that doesn't ever happen anymore.
32. Were you ever in a school talent show?
If being slutty was considered a talent, then yes.
33. Have you ever written in a library book?
34. Allergic to?
Motherhood, manual labor, heartfelt sentimental-type conversation, emotional intimacy, and cockroaches (the last one is true. I was actually allergy tested as a kid and that is the only one I really remember).
35. Favorite fruit?
Gay Shawn...Oh and this banana:
HOLY SHIT!!! I forgot to add the link to where I stole it from! You totally cannot trust a thief!