I started drinking coffee when I was about 4 years old. Not regularly of course, but my Grandmother used to see nothing wrong with handing me a lukewarm cup loaded with sugar and milk as a treat. She was also always yelling at me to "knock it off" and "quiet down" and "sit the fuck down you goddamned lunatic." For some reason she was always worn out when I left and constantly threatened my parents that she would not babysit me anymore because I was too wild (?).
Coffee is my one vice. I don't really drink. I can't handle drugs (pot turns me paranoid). I don't have the money or the credit to shop. So I drink like 6 cups of coffee a day. I love it. I love trying new flavors and roasts. I buy the good stuff because I am going to spend all day with it so it should be awesome.
|I am pretty sure it is.|
Then about a month ago, I started noticing something strange. I was getting nauseous around 4:00 every day. I was having heartburn for several days in a row. I talked to my mother about it and she said something that shook me to my core. "It's the coffee."
"HA!" I said. No way. Coffee is my friend. We're close. Coffee would never hurt me. But deep down inside, I knew it was true. I was going to have to dramatically cut down on my coffee consumption.
I stocked up on a few different kinds of tea (TEA! An abomination). I knew that when you are used to having that much caffeine it isn't smart to just stop. The plan was simple. I would have ONE cup of coffee in the morning, then I would switch to tea for the rest of the day.
|I need to have this right now.|
I have been doing this for about 10 days (why wait until the new year. It's a necessity, not a resolution) and I have noticed a difference where I am feeling less pukey throughout the day. But here's the thing. Now I am waking up with heartburn. And although it is uncomfortable, I am not ready to walk away from my coffee completely. I take a few Tums and knock one back. Usually that does the trick.
Getting old is total bullshit.