Saturday, January 7, 2012

Not a resolution...Just total bullshit.

I started drinking coffee when I was about 4 years old.  Not regularly of course, but my Grandmother used to see nothing wrong with handing me a lukewarm cup loaded with sugar and milk as a treat.  She was also always yelling at me to "knock it off" and "quiet down" and "sit the fuck down you goddamned lunatic."  For some reason she was always worn out when I left and constantly threatened my parents that she would not babysit me anymore because I was too wild (?).

Coffee is my one vice.  I don't really drink.  I can't handle drugs (pot turns me paranoid).  I don't have the money or the credit to shop.  So I drink like 6 cups of coffee a day.  I love it.  I love trying new flavors and roasts.  I buy the good stuff because I am going to spend all day with it so it should be awesome. 

I am pretty sure it is.

Then about a month ago, I started noticing something strange.  I was getting nauseous around 4:00 every day.  I was having heartburn for several days in a row.  I talked to my mother about it and she said something that shook me to my core.  "It's the coffee."

"HA!" I said.  No way.  Coffee is my friend.  We're close.  Coffee would never hurt me.  But deep down inside, I knew it was true.  I was going to have to dramatically cut down on my coffee consumption. 

I stocked up on a few different kinds of tea (TEA!  An abomination). I knew that when you are used to having that much caffeine it isn't smart to just stop.  The plan was simple.  I would have ONE cup of coffee in the morning, then I would switch to tea for the rest of the day.

I need to have this right now.

I have been doing this for about 10 days (why wait until the new year.  It's a necessity, not a resolution) and I have noticed a difference where I am feeling less pukey throughout the day.  But here's the thing.  Now I am waking up with heartburn.  And although it is uncomfortable, I am not ready to walk away from my coffee completely.  I take a few Tums and knock one back.  Usually that does the trick.

Getting old is total bullshit.


  1. Ha! I, too bought green and oong tea yesterday cuz im also a coffeehoic and as of lately am NOT feeling my pickmeup in tge mornings anymore. Will try tday. Hopefully I can do this.

  2. Be careful. I once went 2 weeks with "heartburn" only to find out that I had 100% blockage in my anterior artery.

  3. I have 2 cups in the AM hours. (Peet's baby! It's the best!) But my "cups" are really huge mugs so it probably equates to about 4 cups all together. But only 2 cups a day sounds so much better!

    And the heartburn... ugh. I can totally empathize. I take Prilosec everyday to curb mine. Of course I blame my kids and not coffee. ;)

  4. A friend of mine suggested cold brewing coffee because it reduces the amount of acid and tannins (SP?) in the cup... I tried it and my issues all but stopped! Check out to look at a cheapy cold-brewing carafe. It makes a coffee concentrate which is easier on your stomach. You can also add a few tablespoons (depending on how strong you like it) of boiling water for a hot cup instead of an iced coffee concoction.

    Anyway - give it a shot before you give up on the beloved cup of coffee!! :)

  5. Okay, in defense of tea- it's not so bad. Coffee makes me feel weird. But, I can totally relate to the drinking six cups a day part since it's cheap and available. It entertains me to make coffee and tea all day. Usually, I make coffee, enjoy the flavor, feel like crap and then make tea to get myself on track. I pee like all the time.
    I enjoy your blog!

  6. In defense of the coffee...this is NOT the fault of your coffee! (unless you drink Seattle's Best or Starbucks....then it IS the coffee, cuz that crap sucks). I've been drinking coffee for years, however 8 years ago my youngest son was born. I worked overnights, came home and watched the kid all day long, which soon required me to down AT LEAST 1 pot of coffee every morning. 5 1/2 years later, the kid finally went to school, but I was hooked in my routine. Up until this last fall, when I took a daytime position, I maintained my pot a day or more habit. (I'd still drink a pot a day, but then my work would be ignored for my frequent bathroom trips). I'd blame your heartburn on your mom!

  7. Getting old is a total bitch...Not only is my body slowly sliding South, but I can't drink coffee anymore either...I was having horrific heartburn, really pukey feelings...Switched to tea...I still use an ass ton of cream...But my heartburn is way better...I haven't used a Tums in a while...

  8. It was making me so sick, I had to quit completely :(


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