Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Future Stalker

We go out to eat a lot.  Not that we're so rich that we can afford it because believe me, we probably shouldn't be doing it.  It's mostly because we both work and are just too lazy to cook and Lila is still too short to reach the microwave.

Several weeks ago, we loaded Lila into the car and since we couldn't really decide what we were in the mood for and wanted someplace that has an array of fat-filled and classic "American" junk foods, we settled on Applebee's.  The meal was pretty uneventful, and although we enjoyed the food and fun-filled, but oddly "flair" free experience, it was pretty much forgotten.  Well, Ben and I forgot it.

Every "neighborhood" has at least one creepy stalker type.

Flash forward to last Friday night.  Once again, we were debating the merits of Friendly's versus McDonald's and since we couldn't decide, we asked Lila where SHE wanted to go to eat.  "Let's go to Applebee's,"  she said.  "I can see my friend there." 

We had no idea what the hell she meant about her "friend" but we both kind of shrugged and said ok. 

Lila wanted to get "fancy" (her word) to go to dinner and proceeded to put on eyeshadow and lipstick and asked me to give her an "updo" (where I do the old double the ponytail over itself trick).  She got her fancy purple purse and insisted on wearing her scarf - because that is what she considers accessorizing. 

The whole way there she kept asking what the guys name was that waited on us last time, and if we were going to have the same waiter again.  And we told her at least 16 times that we didn't know.  When we pulled into the parking lot and turned off the car, Lila started yelling "AARON!!!  HIS NAME WAS AARON!  I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE AARON!!!!!"  We kind of didn't believe her so we did the whole condescending "Yeaaaaaaah...Mmmm Hmmmm....Suuuure it is" thing and went into the restaurant.

Applebee's was crowded and in the commotion, for about 5 minutes, she forgot about Aaron.  We were seated and our server (not Aaron) came over to get us drinks.  Lila got situated and started to look around.  She noted that this time we were NOT sitting next to the 101 Dalmations poster and that she liked the table we sat at last time better.  Then she saw him.

Aaron was working the next section over.

"Mommy it's AARON!  I want to go say hi to him!  He's here!  It's AARON!!!  He IS here tonight!  Can we go say hi to him?  AARON!  AARON!!!!  OVER HERE AARON!!!!!!!!"

Aaron did not respond.  When our server came back, Lila begged me to ask him to get Aaron to come over so she could say hi.  He said he would.

A few minutes later, Aaron came over and he actually remembered Lila from the last visit.  He even remembered her name (which I found a LITTLE creepy but the guy's MAYBE 20 and IS pretty cute) and this thrilled her to death.  He said he would come over to say goodbye before we left, and I was happy that this would be the end of it.

It wasn't.

For the next 45 minutes, the only thing Lila talked about was Aaron.  "Is Aaron going to come over?  There's Aaron.  AARON!!! HI AARON!!!  COME OVER HERE AARON!!! I want Aaron to come back over.  Why isn't Aaron waving back at me?  Why can't Aaron come over?  Will he come over again?  I just want to say HI to AARON! How do you spell Aaron?  Why are there two As in Aaron.  Can we move over into Aaron's section? Is Aaron going to cook our dinner?  AARON!  AARON????"

My attempts to distract her with markers and a coloring book were fruitless.  She was all about Aaron.  Ben and I decided that this was actually a good sign because if she was like this as a teenage girl, there would be nothing to worry about.  Lila would be officially labeled by those high school boys as WAAAAAY too crazy to date.

As we were getting ready to leave, Lila had a mini-breakdown.  Although Aaron had come over a few minutes before to say goodbye and tell us to just ask to sit in his section next time, that was not sufficient.  Lila wanted to "give him a kiss and hug" and "say see you later alligator".  She cried that awful heartbroken cry which is different than the "I'm just being a brat" cry and ignoring Ben's obvious disapproval, I told her we could wait a minute to see if Aaron came back out.  He did.

Lila bravely dried her tears and walked over to him and asked him for a hug.  She was too shy to ask for a kiss, but she did wave with a big smile on her face and yell out "see you later alligator", to which he responded as expected. 

When we got in the car I asked Lila if Aaron was her new boyfriend.  "NO!!!"  she replied indignantly.  "We're just friends."


  1. LMAO!!! We're just friends!! I love it!

  2. That is too funny. I love it when they get little crushes and then won't admit it.

  3. hahaha! oh fuck, that was funny.

    my stepdaughter has been like this for the past week about the clothes that she has decided to give to misha, our little dog. for the past seven days, every single person that has spoken to her has gotten to hear all about misha's clothes! misha's clothes!

    the best part was that they were all HER clothes, but as she pulled each one out of the bag to show you, she'd say "I wish IIIIIIIIII had something this pretty."

  4. HAHAHAHA That? Is the reason I'm so glad I have a boy.

  5. Whoa!!! you are in for quite the teenage years! On the other hand, what a little heart breaker! She probably made that guys night.

  6. The way too crazy to date as a teenager comment had me snorting. Guess you'll be regular Applebees customers now huh? Love it, totally classic.

  7. Oh, they are so silly, aren't they?!

  8. I remember being that young age and on the few opportunities we had to go out to eat... I did everything I possibly could to impress any of the pretty waitresses that might be lucky enough to know the young mookie, 5 year old pimp and player extraordinaire, usually armed with the crayon of love!

    Oh sweet restaurant ladies: they bring me food, they smile at me, and my young heart fell in love! I would not be denied! and neither will your daughter! LMAO

  9. Hilarious. Thank you for sharing!


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