There is a really good reason that I try to only let my kid watch PBS cartoons. But every now and then, a different channel gets put on and the commercials make me want to stab my eyes out.
First it was the Pillow Pets, whose annoying and hypnotizing commercials turned my kid into a total animal. You can read that post here.
Then about a month ago, evil had a new name and it was the Happy Napper.
Well, thanks to Grandma, Lila got her stupid ladybug Happy Napper and can't actually nap on it because a) she has not napped since she was 2, and b) because when you stuff the ladybug into her little house the resulting pillow is lumpy and hard as a rock.
This morning SOMEONE (Daddy) put on some cartoons for Lila and as soon as the Doodlebops (which are their own form of torture for me) was over, I looked up from my crap-induced stupor and realized Lila basically floating mesmerized toward the television.
There is a new horror in town:
Now, if I am honest, these things are kind of cute. The puppy (shown above) has ears that move up and down when you step in the slippers. And the unicorn appears to go to sleep when you aren't wearing them.
As far as I can tell, they don't make any noise, although I have not researched them thouroughly enough to tell for sure, and so I am not totally and completely opposed to these (although if there is even the mildest snort, giggle or music that comes out of them I will change my tune). But the commercial will make you want to vomit. And after seeing it LITERALLY one time, Lila has been singing it all morning.
The commercial told Lila that "Stompeez are more than just slippers...they're slippers with PERSONALITY!...They'll make you LAUGH! They'll make you SMILE!" all the while in the background the kids are screaming "WE WANT THEM!!!"
Luckily for you, I cannot find a link to the video, but if you go to the actual Stompeez website, you will see what we're dealing with here.
Mind-numbing website complete with song.
When the commercial was over, Lila suddenly became re-animated as if a hypnotist just snapped his fingers and looked at me dead in the face and said, "Mommy, they're not just slippers. THEY'RE STOMPEEZ! AND I NEED TO HAVE THEM."
It is no use trying to explain to a 4 year old that she NEEDS food, water and shelter and that she simply WANTS the ridiculous slippers because it will just re-inforce how much she NEEDS them and she will probably end up convincing me otherwise.
I am going to try to explain to my mother that she IS NOT to buy them for her under any circumstances and that if she is lucky, she MAY get them for Christmas but I know it will be no use. Grandmas can always be depended on to buy more of the useless crap that kids seem to love.