Saturday, November 19, 2011

What no girl wants to hear. Ever.

Last week, for reasons that I am not going to go into in this post (it was a memorial service for someone I wasn't very close to but felt the need to pay my respects) I had reason to meet up with one of my brothers friends who I hadn't seen in at least 8 or 9 years.  My brother is almost 10 years older than me which means that growing up he and his friends spent many fun-filled hours being entertained by teasing me and doling out all kinds of psychological cruelty at my expense.

This particular friend had grown up and spent many hours of his teenage years at my house watching MTV (this was back when they played videos and had VJs) and locking me in closets with my brother.  So it is possible that many years later I may have felt the need to prove that I was no longer that whiny, annoying, nerdy little girl and we really "got to know each other"  (*wink wink*).

As I said before, I hadn't seen this friend in a LONG time and as soon as I knew that I was going to see him I was instantly extremely self conscious about the fact that I was not the young hot sex object that he knew when last we met.  In fact, lest just be honest here:  I GOT FAT. 

As an aside, I realize that this is stupid and that I really shouldn't care what this guy thinks.  I am in a happy relationship and this guy (to be completely honest) is a pothead who lives in his mother's basement at 40-something years old.  But whatever.  Sometimes the insanity takes over and twists things around to make things like not totally disgusting a guy that you used to sleep with when you were 20 and completely bat shit crazy seem like a necessity.

Since Ben had a thing that evening, I arranged to meet the friend at the place because I have this fear of walking into places alone (yeah, again totally stupid).  I got out of my car and wearing my nice clothes and fancy shoes, I walked over and we hugged and did the whole "so nice to see you" thing.  Then he looked my up and down and nonchalantly made a comment that made me die a little inside.

"Wow.  Hello, Sue.  When did you start looking so much like your mom?" 

The urge to smack him was strong but I resisted.  You see, my mom has always been heavy.  Not like "needs to be lifted with a crane to leave the house" heavy, but she was never a MILF to my brother's friends.  In fact, he likely remembers her being drunk at least half of the time when he was around, which, if I were them I would find extremely unattractive. 



I tried to ignore this comment and reminded myself of why we were there (someone DIED, after all) and said my "Sorry for your losses" and "I can't believe it's" and got the hell out of there (funerals and the like cause me more anxiety than I can handle).

Part of me knew that he was just saying this to be a jerk, the way that my brother and him used to say that I was adopted because it would make me cry when I was 5, but the other part of me knew that there was a great degree of truth to it.  I DID look like my mother, not just because I had put on a few (no need to tell the truth) pounds but because as I get older I see more and more of her in my face. 

I don't want you to get the wrong idea.  I don't hate my mother or anything.  And she isn't an ugly woman.  She has silky blonde hair (which I don't) and was considered a beauty before she had kids (because having kids will destroy you if you aren't vigilant).  But the truth of the matter is that what I heard was not "you resemble your mother more than you did when you were young and slutty".  What I heard was "YOU HAVE TURNED INTO YOUR MOTHER."

No girl wants to hear that.  And certainly not from someone who once saw her naked. 

On the way out he made some stupid comment about how we should get together again under better circumstances (*wink wink*)  (he actually winked when he said it) and I didn't even hesitate.  "hmmmm.  I don't think so.  I have what I need at home.  And besides, you got old."

9 comments:

  1. What a douche canoe. You know he said that because living in your mom's basement at 40 years old is way worse than putting on some pounds.

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  2. ^^^ Douche canoe is completely my thought--but not so eloquantly put.

    And I blew coffee out of my nose when I read "because having kids will destroy you if you aren't vigilant". THAT IS SO TRUE! YOU (I) LOOK LIKE YOUR (MY) MOM if you aren't careful. And I wasn't careful. Which is why the gym membership is getting actived TODAY.

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  3. I am in the unusual situation where my mom is and always has been a total hottie. Yeah, she is 68 and is still hot...not sleazy or cheap but a real head turner. I never have been. But wow... I can't believe he said that. But what does one expect from someone who clearly has a case of Lame-Ass-itis...living stoned and in his mom's basement... bad at any age, but in his 40's? I loved your reply. Perfect.

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  4. Ugh...Men don't think before they open their mouths, do they? But kudos to you for the snappy retort-put that douche canoe in his place!

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  5. Wow…I’d call him a jackass…but that’s just me. People grow and change. Sounds like he is an unhappy person who tried to make himself feel better by trying to make you feel bad. There are a lot of people out there like that. Don’t let him get you down.

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  6. if it makes you feel any better I totally pictured him with a mullet through the whole piece!

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  7. You just got the "Liebster Blog" award from me!! <3

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  8. Ugh. First, I'm so sorry.

    Second, I feel on so many levels. I still worry about what "past people" think about me and I have no idea why. But I do. And even though my mom is pretty and not overweight and a really lovely person, I still wish that everyone didn't immediately (and always, for my entire life) comment on how much I look like her. The reality is that I just want to look like ME. And I worry that looking like her means I get all her baggage too.

    Thanks for writing (here from the Lightning linkup).

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  9. Oh but you had the PERFECT comeback. You got old. Har. If "you look like your Mom" is the last thing a girl wants to hear, I think you nailed the last thing a guy (who wants to think of himself as virile until he is approximately 99 or 100) wants to hear is 'you got old'.

    And as far as I can tell, Motherhood ruins you even if you are vigilant ;P

    (Found you from the Lightning Bug)

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