Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Say Hello to My Little (annoying) Friend.

Lila has a best friend. 

There is a little girl who lives 3 houses down (we'll call her "J")  who is 5 and she and Lila are apparently infatuated with each other.  You would think I would be thrilled that Lila has someone so close by to play with.  But my kid is obsessive.  And as I am learning so is her little friend. 

For the most part, they play together wonderfully.  Lila has no problem letting J play with all her toys and actually encourages J to take the first turn on any toy they have to share (as I was writing the last sentence, there was a knock at my door.  It is J wanting Lila to play.  It's 9:30 in the morning.  More on this later).  Lila is a tremendously gracious host and for a 4 year old, very polite.  J is not so much.  She is demanding and bossy.  She is high maintenance.  She can't play with any one thing for more than a few minutes wanting to go inside, then outside, then upstairs then back outside then needs to poop all in a matter of minutes.  Lila does not play like this.  It frustrates her, and makes me insane.

The fact that J can't sit still is actually the least annoying thing about the situation.  We can see J's yard from our living room window.  Practically every 3 minutes for 5 months now, Lila goes to the window excitedly yelping, "I think J is home! I want to go play with her!" or "I want to go play in J's yard!".   This isn't awful in itself, but it's impossible to get her to come and have dinner when she SEES J playing in her back yard. 

And J spends a LOT of time outside.  I am pretty sure that her parents send her outside for hours at a time by herself, which makes me extremely nervous to send Lila over there.  I realize that we live on a dead end street and that their yard is completely fenced in, but I still want to watch my kid to make sure she doesn't get hurt or abducted.  She's only 4 for Christ's sake and we haven't begun to terrorize her with "Stranger Danger" quite yet.  Needless to say, when they play together it's either at my house or with me sitting outside watching them.  This consumes way more of my time than I would like. 

Yesterday, I had the day off and my mother took Lila so that I could get some housework and errands done.  At 9:30, J came to the door asking if Lila could come out to play.  I told her that Lila was at her Grandma's and wouldn't be home until close to dinner time.  She accepted this and walked away.  About 15 minutes later, my front door opens and J takes off up my stairs!  "You can't just walk into people's houses," I tell her.  "Plus, I told you Lila isn't home.  Go home and I will send Lila over when she comes home later." 

At 10:30, I just happen to look outside and see that J is in my yard playing with Lila's soccer ball and net.  "You can't play in my yard when Lila isn't here and with no one keeping an eye on you," I tell her.  She goes home. 

At 11:15, my doorbell rings.  Guess who?

At 12:00, Ben comes home for lunch.  J comes running down the street asking him if Lila is home.

At around 1:00, I go to take a shower.  When I turn off the water,  I hear DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG, knock knock knock knock, DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG.  J is assaulting my doorbell and rabidly knocking at my door.  I decide to ignore her.  This continues while I get dressed, brush my teeth, apply makeup, and blow dry my hair for about 20 minutes.  When I finally go downstairs and open the door, she asks "is Lila home?"

REALLY?  I think.  Seriously?  "It isn't dinner time yet, is it?" I say.  "No," she tells me.  I explain to her that if someone doesn't answer the door after the SECOND time you ring the doorbell, that they are either not home or they are too busy to answer the door, and further, that it is not good manners to keep on coming over after I already told her that Lila isn't home and won't be home until much later. 

When I come home from running errands at 4:00, guess who is sitting on my porch?

As I was writing this (about 20 minutes ago), J came to the door.  She and Lila played for about 5 minutes and J wanted to "run home for a minute."  This means I have to go out onto my porch and watch her (because regardless of what her parents allow, I am not going to be held responsible of something DOES happen to her).  She came back with a Justin Bieber photograph, and stayed for about 3 minutes before needing to "run home again." 

Image removed because I was tired of seeing the searches used to find my blog were overwhelmingly filled with "Justin Bieber Bulge".  SERIOUSLY.  WHO THE HELL IS SEARCHING FOR THAT???
I am SOOOO glad she starts full-day Kindergarten tomorrow.


  1. OMG!! Just reading your post and imagine that little friend, give me the nervous rash in the skin, and made me anxious! How annoying. What it makes me upset is her parents, how come they do not have common sense as for what time the girl goes for playdates. And how come they let her play without being supervised. This is why fatal accidents happen. Sorry for you, i can not imagine, I have enough dealing with my own child, let alone a little friend like that. Poor girl, but hey! i don't like that kind of parents.
    Very good post as always.

    Griselda Garcia.

  2. I really think you need to report these people to CPS. they are obviously negligent bordering on criminal. you can call anonymously, either to the state number or the county. you are a great mom, from what i have seen, and this is not your responsibility.

  3. Can totally relate, except our little friend is a boy. I won't let him in to play because he is super destructive. He is outside all the time and it is like 110 here still. I told him that it is too hot to play outside, wait till fall. Of course we have told him this everyday that he comes over. His parents don't seem to worry that it is so hot out. Wendy

  4. We have a little boy that is in one of those 'calls his grandma Mom' kind of situations. He is over here on the weekends no later than 8:30 in the morning and stays all freaking day. I don't allow my kid to play in his yard because I can only assume that he isn't supervised. I mean, he is literally at my house the entire day and never has to go check in. He is 9. There are days I'd rather punch him in the face than answer the door 664 times. :)

  5. AH MAH GAH!!! This was totally hilarous!!! I love how you describe her obsessive friend. Mostly because that was me.

    One day, in 3rd grade, we had a snow day. So I went over to Sherry Donovan's house to ask if she could play. Her dad answered the door and said she was eating. So I stayed in her yard for 50 MINUTES!!! I played on her swingset, made snow angels and threw snowballs at her tree.

    When I finally went home, I couldn't feel my feet.

    That following Monday, she told me that she and her dad had been playing cards the whole time. Sometimes they would look out the window of their trailer and laugh at me.


  6. selena that was great!we had a few of those kids when mine were small,breakfast ,lunch.dinner the whole day ,i never said anything cause i felt sorry for them,silly me.
    great post keep them coming!

  7. We have a "friend" like that. I call him the boy who appears. One day this first grader arrived in my back yard and stayed most of the day. He was there so long I asked him to stay for lunch. I asked if he needed to call his mom to let her know where he was. His reply was, "I'm allowed to eat at other people's houses as long as I don't swear." He lives 2 streets away and comes over by himself.

    He's a nice enough kid, but he comes over ALL THE TIME. My boys don't understand why I won't let them go over to his house.

  8. I have a neighbor boy in my apartment building like that. If the boys are eating, he'll literally sit outside my door in the hallway the entire time. His mom's off working, his dad may be gone or asleep, and the boy runs around everywhere. He likes to play with my kids, mostly the younger one that is only a couple years older than him. My buddy moved into my building a couple months ago and has already decided he doesnt like the kid who keeps knocking and asking to play, ocassionally walks right on in to play with my buddys kid's toys, and when banished for some infraction comes back and when told he can't come in just asks WHY?

    I wanna look at the kid and go (tragically much like my parents said to me and I was NEVER going to be like them) "CUZ IM AN ADULT AND I SAID SO MOTHER*******!

  9. Is it just me or is it more acceptable for boys to be running around outside all day than girls? I know its sexist but I don't care. More little girls seem to be abducted by weirdos than boys. (this may not be true, but that is how it seems)

    Plus, I need to point out again that this kid is only FIVE YEARS OLD. In kindergarten.

    And am I the one who is going to have to teach this kid manners or do I need to go "tell on her" to her mother?

  10. I'd agree that it is more socially acceptable for boys rather than girls to be out running around on their own.

    In the case of this boy however, he'll wander off and his parents will ask me if I've seen him, and if I havent they just shrug their shoulders and go about whatever it was they were doing (usually holing up inside their apartment). Meanwhile this kid is over at the park or something hanging with teenage boys who find it hilarious to get him to do stupid shit that is not only wrong, but in some cases bordering on illegal (indecent exposure, and some sexual stuff we wont get into that I have already talked to his parents about). And somehow the boy hasn't been given much in the way of morals and how to understand that something is wrong. Sheesh. And he is only 5! (albeit way bigger than my almost 8 year old)

    And somehow, I have become the neighborhood male figure that the kids gravitate towards. Maybe its because I'm home all day (I work overnights), and that despite hating kids, I'm apparently pretty good with the little bastards. I've already been volunteered to help one kid with his homework, and other kids just come to my apartment wanting to hang out here. I don't have much in the way of "cool stuff", I'm a rentacop for chrissakes, i'm one broke mofo! But if I got treats, it doesnt take long before the kids decide they need to help me with my overstock.

  11. You need to go and meet her parents. Then you need to set rules for friends. The kids next door to us know that if they see our kids outside playing then they can all hang together. They are not allowed to ring our bell or knock on the door to ask for the boys. The kids all either play in their yard or ours. They are not allowed in the house to play. This little girl needs some guidance. The 2nd time she came to your door you needed to walk her back to her house and tell her mom what your rules are. She is lonely but you are not her mother. Once she is in school she will make other friends. As will you daughter. At the ages of 4-5 this idea of open ended friends playing is not realistic. You don't need to be taking care of another persons child. Set up play dates with the girls. Don't be afraid of being strict and serious. Lay out ground rules and tell her when the rules get broken she has to leave for the rest of the day. If she still constantly knocks and rings your bell you need to go to her mom and tell her to keep a tighter leash on her kid. If she doesn't want to hear it then tell her you will call the police/cps.

  12. My son has a friend like this. He eats dinner with us most nights. He hangs out here even after my son leaves to go somewhere else. He uses our computer to do his homework. He's a nice enough kid -- has a great smile and always compliments my cooking. I just wonder how much longer it will last since my son and he both graduate from high school this year!

  13. Stopping over from Write on Edge.

    Wow. I would've lost my marbles. Maybe talk to the mom...or move to another neighborhood. I'm sure the friendship will eventually lose it's allure for your daughter, especially if J is as high maintenance as you described. Getting pushed around gets old fast.

  14. Wow - that kid is seriously the most annoying kid ever!!!!!!!!!

  15. OMG I have the same problem....9:30 every morning i get a knock on the door (she used to just walk in but i put a stop to that) i ask wheres your mom...oh shes sleeping or in the shower or she has a headache (yea everyday) if i send her home five mins later i see her walking down the street by herself I live in new jersey (nuff said) and its not safe for even a grown woman to walk down the street let alone a five year old. she has had cps here and the mother just lies to them everytime and gets out of whatever accusations that have been thrown at her. i look at it this way now, if shes at my house i know shes being taken care of and shes not out walking down the street (or worse) so i let her in every morning and send her home around seven. I've heard the old expression it takes a neighborhood to raise a child....well it doesnt take the neighborhood to raise my children but i will gladly raise a child who needs it


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