Saturday, February 25, 2012

I found that giant Orange Vagina you were looking for!

One of my new favorite (and very funny) bloggers gave me an award. 

I want to seriously recommend that you go over and read and follow and perhaps even internet stalk Shirley Ewe Must Be Joking.  That bitch be crazy! Plus she knows all the words to "Bust a Move" as I found out when I was reading about HER award here:

Proof that I actually WAS awarded an award 


The rules are basically as follows: 

  •  Thank the blogger that bestowed the award (check)
  •  Post 7 random facts about yourself (I LOVE talking about myself)
  •  Forward the award to 10 (TEN?) deserving bloggers (THAT may prove challenging).
So I am going to base my 7 random things on some random photos I have saved on my laptop (and some I just found recently saved on discs).  Some are actual real pics from my actual real life and others are silly shit from the blogosphere.  Lets see if you can tell which are which.



I am pretty sure Lila is destined to become a crazy cat lady.  At the time of the top photo (which she took herself) she had 5 stuffed kitties.  That photo was taken about 6 months ago.  Since the taking of that photo, she has somehow accumulated 6 more kitties and a couple of little bears that she claims are cats but are actually little bears, pigs or mice.  She likes to bring all them all over the house with her and she sleeps with all of them. 

This is not even all of them...

She has also told me that she has no intention of ever getting married because (in her words) "I don't want to be a mommy." 

Seriously.  It's a vagina.

Did you see a giant blow up pumpkin here or did you see a kid crawling into a humongous orange vagina?  See, I have a filthy mind and and the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.  To me, this was hilarious and warranted a photograph.  Ben is a contractor and EVERY SINGLE TIME that he goes to pick up plywood or 2x4s I giggle and ask him if he "got wood in his truck."  And don't even get me started about black caulk.


I admit it.  I think "The Situation" is kinda hot.  But I cannot watch Jersey Shore (not only because it's total crap but also) because every episode reminds me of the fact that I am no longer young and hot and that I would totally be laughed at and made fun of for trying to get him to "smush" me...Which brings us to our next photo:

Don't look so shocked.
I was young once.
My friend and I used to have "stripper night on Danforth St."  We would put on slutty clothes and 7 inch clear heels and take pictures of each other.  I found the disk with the photos on it this past week and when I looked at them I nearly lost my mind.  10 years ago, I was fucking HOT!  What the hell happened to me!  It was ONLY 10 years ago.  And all that time, I always thought that I was so flawed.  Skinny legs, small boobs, cellulite.  And yet NOW, I would fucking KILL to look like that. Fucking youth really is WASTED on stupid 24 year olds.

Apparently, I am one of the only asshole parents who doesn't feel the need to start scheduling her 4 year old for hundreds of different activities.  Seriously.  WHEN THE HELL did kids start needing social lives and extra-curricular activities?  Lila goes to school and plays with her little friends there.  Then she spends the rest of her day playing and annoying me.  But I am okay with that. Because ballet classes are expensive, as is karate, soccer, MyGym memberships, art school, and music lessons.  I read the other day that the typical 4 year old is involved in 3 different scheduled activities a week IN ADDITION to preschool, and that parents now worry that their child is not involved in ENOUGH activities to get into a good college.  MY KID IS 4.  Unless she is working for a highly specialized scholarship for playing the glockenspiel, getting her scheduled and busy 7 days a week really isn't necessary at this age. 


I get excited about really dumb things.  Like REALLY excited.  I have been known to terrorize drivers by spontaneously screaming out with joy at the sight of a bunny hopping across the road.  It's actually become dangerous at times.  I had to tone it down so as not to scare my kid, but she has gladly picked up my habit for squealing at bendy straws, sporks, and 80's hair metal videos.


I am actually VERY political.  I can be found angrily posting comments on all the political websites and find that I need to take "news breaks" because I get so angry and frustrated with the stupidity of those in charge that I want to strangle someone.  I have started to believe that the hopelessness that I feel when I see how stupid politics can be is a huge contributor to my depression.  Still, I look forward to this spring and hope that the Occupy movement reconstitutes and moves forward with some kind of actual agenda so I can go participate in more marches and protests.  (Just so you know, I am NOT a dirty hippie liberal, just a mom concerned about the future for my kid).

Lila made her own sign that says "Being Greedy is Not Nice"

And here is who you should go read next (also known as who I think deserves the Versatile Blogger Award).


  1. You were hot! I agree, that youth is wasted on the young. I always say, "if only I could go back knowing what I know now....".
    And I hate to tell you, my daughter was the same way. Every stuffed toy was a kitty. Now she is 22 and has 3 real ones plus 2 dogs!

  2. Aww, MAN!!! I got this award from Mommy Rotten (who gave it to Shirley) and I was going to give it to YOU!! Sonofabitch. I'm going to give you a new award. Something.....different.

  3. Thanks for the award! Way cool that you follow my blog & recommend it. Now I've got to figure out who I can pass it along to! Big job...thinking! :-)


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