Wednesday, October 13, 2010

TO THE ASSHOLES WHO MAKE AND MARKET PILLOW PETS:

First off, let me say thanks. My kid has found a little security object that helps her when she wakes up in the middle of the night so I don't have to get out of bed 42 times in the dark. She truly loves your product and it makes me happy she has it.Now the REAL reason I am writing this:


I BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR ADVERTISEMENTS DURING EVERY CHILDREN'S TELEVISION SHOW ARE PURE EVIL.

Lila saw a commercial for Pillow Pets about 3 months ago and screamed like...well...like a little girl. She desperately wanted the ladybug and would fall all over me begging for it every time she thought about it (which was more or less constantly). Luckily, they were one of those things you had to call a toll free number to get so I could explain that that was the number to call Santa to tell him you wanted it for Christmas. It's impossible to get one before then.

Then you assholes put them in every store on the planet. I found this out when my mother (who literally CANNOT say no to Lila when she cries) brought Lila home with a bumble bee that she saw at Wal-Mart. Lila was ecstatic that Wal-Mart had them at all and said that she would gladly wait for Santa to bring her the ladybug because Wal-Mart doesn't sell them. Lila was genuinely happy to have this item and she thanked her Grandma over and over and over. I actually, for once felt that maybe this was a good thing. As much as I hate the idea of her being spoiled, this one particular item was not like the others. She was still thrilled with it after 4 hours unlike every other toy she sees on TV, which usually lose it's luster as soon as it comes out of the box.

Three days later, Lila and I are walking through the Band-Aid aisle at the drug store, and lo and behold! There is a big cardboard display FILLED with Pillow Pets. Why is the drug store selling a $20 fad-ish kids item next to the hemorrhoidal ointment and antacid tablets? Lila screamed, grabbed all 4 ladybugs and threw herself on the floor and rolled around on them. Embarrassed because my kid looked like she was making fun of people with seizure disorders, I grabbed her up and told her we had to get out of the store before it started to rain (one of many lame excuses I use to get her to move it).
"THEY HAVE MY LADYBUGS!!!!" Lila was squealing and stuffing her face into it. "Mommy doesn't have the money for that right now (and I didn't. I brought a $10 bill with me into the store). The tears were worse than I ever would have imagined. She cried for almost an hour. We got home and I showed her the bumble bee and although she hugged it, it did little to console her. After calling my mother about this dilemma, my mother told me to tell Lila there would be one waiting for her at Grandma's house tomorrow.

This infuriated me but at least it wasn't ME giving in.

She got her ladybug and all was well. She slept with both of them and insisted on taking them everywhere with her (yes, both of them).

Then, the following weekend, we were in Target to get some blinds for our new house. We turned down the wide aisle to the housewares and immediately Lila started crying. A few rows down, on an end display were the beloved Pillow Pets. And two little girls were hugging them and fondling them and throwing them up in the air. Lila lost her shit.

"They're playing with MY UNICORN!!!" She was basically hysterical and since she refuses to ride in the cart she fell to the floor and screamed and cried. I did my best to get her up and explain to her that they belong to Target and technically were in no way "HERS" but she wouldn't stop. She finally stopped crying long enough to walk over to the girls (who were much older and bigger than her) and snatch the unicorn out of one of their hands. Apologizing, I grabbed it from her and gave it back but the battle was on. Needless to say, we DID NOT get blinds that day. And I did not tell my mother about that event.

Seriously, is it too much to ask that your commercials not have mind control messages embedded in them that only children under 9 can decipher? Is it too much to ask that the hottest new toy be confined to the "hot new toys" area in a given store? Or that a store that is better known for it's feminine protection aisle than any cool trendy items WARN ME that my kid may freak out when I get to the end of the feminine care aisle?

Fucking Pillow Pets.

12 comments:

  1. Nice to read about other mom's going through this shit called motherhood. It really does suck.
    Why didn't I know this before? I think that I secretly did, but wanted to screw myself over somehow.

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  2. I didn't really do it intentionally. Any time I hear anyone talk about WANTING to have kids, I look atraight at them and say, "I honestly don't recommend it."

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  3. Just a suggestion...only let your daughter watch DVDs or videos. That way, there are no commercials. A gal I know did this with her kids and had no problems. Also prevented her kids from being exposed to commercials for shows she felt were inappropriate for her kids...

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  4. So glad I found your blog. I am not a freak, someone agrees with me, motherhood sucks. And those damn pillow pets, I thought about getting my kids one to shut them up, but if it opens up a big can of worms were they want to collect them all, I better not. Thanks for the warning.

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  5. And what about adding some more images? No offence, content is really nice. But as I’ve heard visitors acquire information much more effective when there are some useful pictures.

    Whitney Nixon
    cell phone signal blockers

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  6. I love this blog!! Just tripped over it as I was working on writing a horror story. This rocks!!! I don't have kids...and wow, am I glad!!! Thank you for justifying my choice. People give me shit about it all the time, mostly because they want me to suffer, too. I also substitute teach, and what a nightmare!! I get all your kids at once. I guess that would be karma...

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  7. Dear Substitute teacher and horror story writer:

    As far as I'm concerned, teaching would be one LONG HORROR STORY...

    You made the right choice. It sucks about 82% of the time.

    Thanks for reading.

    -selena

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  8. you cant exactly blame marketing agencies for the things they make money for. if you dont want to hear the whining tendencies from your child then dont allow them to watch tv find the true identity of this problem its motherhood not the advertisement agencies. hah bring it .

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  9. 1. I love when people who don't have children try to give me parenting advice. I wrote a whole post on what a know-it-all I was before I had my kid.

    2. I love when people end their dumb comments with "bring it" because they have nothing better to do than start an internet feud. "Anonymous". Thought so.

    3. Anyways! THANKS FOR VISITING!!!

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  10. Sounds like the reason parenthood sucks for you....is because your parenting sucks! Being a parent is not always rainbows and sunshine but life is not either. In my opinion you sound more "spoiled" and "bratty" than any child I've ever encountered! Quit whining! By the way I do have children.

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  11. God my kid did this same exact shit about the pillow pet at xmas time, in the cvs when i had only 10 bucks. Anonymous can suck it. I guess their parenting skills are so stellar because they model the golden rule for their kids and vent anger trolling blogs. I love your blog discovered it today. feel like your going trough my struggles but i have 2.

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  12. Okay, two things:

    1) Agree completely about parenting advice from non-parents. My BIL and his wife really like to stick thier noses in my parenting. No, it isn't solicited and yes, it's generally waaaay off base. Not to mention none of their business.

    2) Fortunately, although I do spoil my daughter she's 12 and watches pillow pets commercials exclusively for the snark factor (she even has a dance for their Dream Lights line). That said, (and I'm going to hell) the pillow pets all creep me out because their posture (or whatever you would call it) looks like they're waiting to be butt raped.

    Yours truly, a bad mom.

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