Saturday, October 23, 2010

Things I swore I would never do.

Before I was a mom, I knew exactly how to raise children (other people's).  I swore that I would never:
  • Make separate dinners for my kid.  She could go to bed hungry if she didn't like what I made for dinner (...but she will only eat hot dogs and mac and cheese...and if she doesn't eat she doesn't sleep.)
  • Lay in bed with my kid every night until she went to sleep.  They need to learn to sleep on their own. (...but I would rather not fight with her for 3 hours and cannot get any time for myself - or her poor father - until she is out.)
  • Put my kid on a leash. It's mean and people laugh at you. (This, I never did.  But I swear I get why you would.  Toddlers are FAST!)
  • "LET" my kid throw a fit in public.  My kid will be well-behaved. ('s really funny how you think you could control that, but short of bribing there is no good solution but to leave - and then they've won.)
  • Make food into shapes and designs so that it will be "fun" to eat. I will simply teach my kid to like trying new things.  (see above.)
  • Let my kid watch TV.  It destroys their brains and there is nothing good that can come of it. (...No one tells you it's the only way you can get ready for work.  And actually, Lila was counting to 20 and knew her alphabet at 2 years old, so it can't be all bad.)
  • Watch the same movie over and over and over and over and over because my kid would be more cultured than that. (This is simply a joke.  If you want to have a few quiet moments in your house, this is not optional.)
  • Listen to stupid Raffi and other kiddie music ad nauseum in the car (yup....and I sing along at the top of my lungs too).
  • Shop at Wal-Mart because they are evil. (There is no way I am buying ANYTHING at full price when it will only be destroyed the moment I turn my back).
  • Scream at my kid like a maniac and threaten to lose my mind. (Yes, Lila has driven me to the point of sanity.  I am thoroughly surprised the both of us have survived to this point intact.)
  • Talk incessantly about every stupid detail of my kid's life. (Except that it is my (other) full-time job, my greatest accomplishment, and  my biggest source of stress all in one...There's about 80% of the things people talk about.  What else is there to discuss?  POLITICS?)
  • Care what other people thought about my parenting ability. (It is the biggest insult in the world!)
I am sure I missed some, but Lila's imaginary friends need some juice so I have to go and entertain all 14 of them now.  Please, feel free to add on.


  1. Hi Selena,

    I've enjoyed reading your blog. I was wondering if your daughter has been tested for sensory processing issues? I have a three year old as well, and she was diagnosed with sensory issues a year ago. She was an extremely demanding infant and toddler, but with a diagnosis and OT treatment she is doing so much better.

  2. I wholeheartedly get this.

    Also, last week I screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP" with every decibel of power my former-smoker lungs could muster. While driving. I figured it was less traumatizing than pulling over 4 lanes of highway traffic to beat them bloody. There were too many people around anyway.

  3. I could have written that list! Fantastic.


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