Sunday, August 7, 2011

Ok. So I may have given up...

I suck at commitment.  I really do.  I want to lose some weight.  I want to get in shape.  I set my goals 2 weeks ago and have yet to meet them.  I gained another 2 lbs.  WHAT THE FUCK! 

I have been eating better.  LOTS of fresh produce.  I have not been snacking at night and find that I am STARVING when I go to bed. 

But the depression is draining the life out of me.  I have been sleeping more and skipping my walks in favor of closing my eyes for 20 minutes on the couch.  Not that I get to relax.  Usually my kid is climbing on me or yelling in my ear. 

But this thing just hangs over my head.  It is always there making me feel guilty for all the ways I am failing and not meeting my very lame and simple goals. 

So I start again this week.  I just need to do it today.  To steal from the 12-step moment, it is one day at a time.  I just have to get through today. 

12 comments:

  1. Just do what i do, baby steps. And i have realized that the exercise in itself gives me a break from hubbie and kids and makes my mind clearer actually. You'll get there!!
    There is no thing called failure, just restarts :D

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  2. Have you thought about taking Inositol? I am taking it right now because I have PCOS (and I am using it as an alternative to metformin because of a vacation coming up) anyways, it might help??? Not sure if any of the following apply or not, but just thought to throw it out there!

    Benefits of Myo-Inositol (source: http://www.soulcysters.net/showthread.php?279619-Myo-inositol-%28not-d-chiro%29-for-pcos)
    *Encourges Ovulation in women with absent or irregular menstrual cycles with PCOS
    *Decreases Leptin, and helps with Wieght loss in PCOS
    *Improves Mood, and can help depression according to studies
    *It is really good for your liver
    *helps hirsutism
    * decreses androgens
    *helps Insulin Resistance
    *decreases acne
    *Lowers total and free testosterone levels
    *Improves quality of eggs

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  3. it is one day at a time.

    i really like myfitnesspal.com for helping track food and exercise. its a great tool to judge where you are at, and what you need to tweak. maybe you arent eating enough calories. the body goes in starvation mode when that happens. and you gain weight.

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  4. A lot of us gals struggle with our weight. It is tough. Especially when we are bombarded with celebrity images of women who look stunning and fit 8 weeks after giving birth. It is not reality. I would look great too if I had a personal trainer, meals delivered to me and someone else to take care of my kids. My only advice is try to eat healthy and move for 30 minutes a day. Hard though, for us who suffer from depression. Also make sure your thyroid is functioning properly. Fish oil, vitamin D and a B complex can help with depression and energy levels. :-) You are not alone.
    M.

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  5. I agree... no failures, just restarts.

    You might check out neurogistics.com. I tried so many different things to 'get my head on straight' and my mood issues under control. They have really helped.

    Just keep on keeping on... you will get there :)

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  6. I've been pretty good with my workouts but I've been eating like a horse too! What's up with that? I'll re-start with you! We will make it!

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  7. I use http://www.myfitnesspal.com too. I agree with the person that said to make sure that you thyroid is functioning properly. Might want to make sure that your vitamin and nutrient levels are okay too. I have hypothyroidism, a vitamin B-12 deficiency, and sleep hypopnea that heightens my depression symptoms when I'm not getting them treated.

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  8. Just fucking do it. Make yourself do it. I'm in the same goddamn situation. I'll be your "get fucking going" buddy if you'll be mine.

    The previous is, of course, meant with all the love and affection one can give another on the anonymous interwebz.

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  9. I'm not sure why blogger isnt letting me submit a comment under my account. I know I've been gone for awhile, and given up my facebook account, but I didnt realize the internet became a mediator who hates me!

    Anyways, good luck on your goals. and if you decide to say to hell with it, just remember these three famous lines:

    You're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggonit, people like you!
    And personally I think you look damn good the way you are now. Don't go for the stick look the magazines tell you to be. A little softness on a woman is actually more towards normal, healthier, and sexier.

    - Mookie

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  10. One step at a time. It's really, really hard.

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  11. Every night I change for bed, look at myself and almost burst into tears then every day I find so many shiny things to distract me from working out. Its a vicious cycle and I have no idea how to break out of it. Sigh. Feeling your pain. Good luck getting into it again, I'd love to find the motivation to try right along side you.

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  12. You can do it, you just have to really want it. I recently lost 66+ lbs and it has changed me physically and emotionally. Don't get me worng i still lose it often but i feel so much better and when you want to sit on the couch try telling yourself you can sit after you had gotten your walk in. Hang in there girl and don't throw in the towel just yet!

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