Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Blind Dates and the horrors of the MOMMIE friends

I feel like a total dork. Ever since someone planted the idea that making new friends is like dating, it has stuck and now I keep thinking what a total idiot I am sometimes.

I have known since about 2001 that what I really needed was to reach out and make some new friends. Not that my old friends were bad or anything, but they were old friends. They had moved across the country or gotten real jobs or grown up and over me and I still called them my bestest friends. But something about having a kid made me realize that maybe my long-distance email myspace yahoo facebook selenaland contacts weren't really working for me anymore. Maybe it's because spending too much time in my own head is bad, but attempting to spend time in the head of an infant is really really bad. Besides the fact that I have no idea what I am doing as a mom and I believe that I am doing everything wrong, I also spend too much time not knowing how to entertain a baby. I just knew that I needed some perspective. So my "friend dating" life began.

I was determined to find some kind of "Mommie and Me" group. I joined meetup.com and after joining several of them, managed to make it to one meeting in a month. It was nice. We had coffee. Their kids were all cute. But did I feel that "magic" with any of the moms? No. I decided I was content just to get out of the house, and if once and a while I got a meal out of it, then awesome. Man, I felt like I was dating boring IT guy again.

I read some of the profiles of the other moms. Blah Blah Blah...Married...blah...LOVE HAVING BABIES...Blah blah...Manicures and fashion and shopping addiction...and on and on. Not really interested. A couple of the moms and I exchanged some emails. It went no where.

Then today I had a good "Date". It was her that referred to it as a "Blind date" and I appreciated the humor in that. See how fucking insane I have become? But here's the important thing: I finally met another mom who doesn't get her nails done...Who admits to being medicated during (two of them) her pregnancy. She calls her kids demons (one of them) and totally knows that when I say Lila is the Spawn of Satan that it only means that I adore her. We hung out at the bookstore and talked about things. It feels so good to just connect with someone out here. I admit, I didnt realize how bored and miserable I had become (become????Hahahahahaha).

It's sad that I feel all happy like I would if I went on a good date. Seriously. Just to have a mom friend is a very exciting prospect for me. And to have one that is actually not a soccer mom is quite a find out in these parts.

I have become the lamest dork in the universe and it's all because I had a kid.

8 comments:

  1. There are people out there who are lamer than you. You took meds while pregnant? It seems answers aren't so deeply buried sometimes. I'm glad I can bring some sunshine to your day. Praise the Lord.

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  2. Friendship takes time and a common ground. I am glad that you found someone that you clicked with, someone that gets you. We all need that.

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  3. My experience is that just because someone also is a mom and also has a child your age, is no reason to be friends. It might be the ONLY thing you have in common. I think it's a trap. I have friends now of all ages and stages of life. We are friends because we share interests. I have found those friendships much more enduring. HTH

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  4. So three years ago you wrote this...how's the dating scene now?

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  5. You are so right with your analogy of dating for the whole meeting new friends process. Either that or a very bad job interview process. I stink at it so I feel for you. Hope you maintain the "magic" in this latest relationship!

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  6. This was great, so capturing that I Am So Lame feeling of new motherhood.

    I looked at Meetup gatherings like Speed Dating. I'd go to a play date, walk from Mom to Mom telling them how I'm annoyed that my kids gave me hemorrhoids/saggy boobs and accidentally swear. If they laughed? I'd give them my cell#. If they looked at me in horror and hugged their 9mo child wearing a cardigan that matched theirs a little tighter?? I moved on to the next mom.

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  7. I have "dated" many prospective friends myself...to no real avail. For some reason, I find it hard to click with someone. So I have my husband and my best buddy, and I leave the rest of friend dating to everyone else. I'm glad you were able to find someone to relate to. Those people are precious few in life, so hang on to her!!

    Thanks so much for linking up, by the way!

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  8. I've watched both of my daughters go through this same scenario in trying to make a connection with other mothers; what I witness, at times, makes me dayum angry.

    But, when I think about it, it hasn't changed all that much since my kids were younger. Too many other moms are so friggin' caught-up in designer, car and other bullcrap that, frankly, they aren't worth the time in getting to know!

    Point...I'm a hairstylist; recently did the hair for my Granddaughter's cheer team. Know how I was referred to by the other moms? "That nice lady with the Coach bag"...WTF? Talk about an identity crisis!

    Good luck to you in finding someone, hopefully, normal! Enjoy!

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