Wednesday, March 14, 2012

WHY? on Wednesday

With all the wars that we, as a culture seem to be waging, I feel that there is one serious and criminal offense that no one is talking about.  Sure, you've all heard about the war on terror, the war on poverty, the war on childhood obesity, and the war on drugs (how's that been working out?).  But I am here to declare war on something else.

Those terrifying couple's pregnancy portraits. 

Here's how I imagine the conversation went:
Photographer: Let's do something that
      really represents your personalities.
Pregnant Lady: Well, he's a huge baby
      and I am a huge drunk so......

There is nothing cute about them.  Even the more tasteful ones (and I use that term loosely) are fucking awful. 

There is a fine line between THIS one, and
having this next one hanging on your mantle to
make everyone uncomfortable at Christmas dinner:

 It's okay to love your dog....but it's not
okay to LOOOOVE your dog.

Before you attack me and tell me that I am a horrible, unfeeling human being, I want you to know that I GET it.  I understand that this is a special time and that you want to have an artistic representation of this most glorious time in your lives together.  But seriously.  Do you have to do THIS:

or THIS:

or even THIS:

Seriously.  How about if you pull out the digital camera and just take some nice photos with your clothes on and no props and then keep them to yourselves?  Because once you cross that line of putting your most intimate moments on a Christmas card, the law should step in and confiscate the photos forever. 

Don't think anyone would do it?

I am sure 2nd cousin Danny was
thrilled when this came in the mail.
And it isn't really just the couple's portraits.  There are some serious mishaps with the pregnant ladies alone too:

Someone should rescue her!  She must have opened a
meteor like Stephen King did in Creepshow!

Children of the Corn?
I am  not alone in my distaste for these awful photos.  There are entire websites devoted to this stuff.  And if there are enough people out there who want this insanity to stop, then perhaps you should think twice before you pull out the mop and broom and pose for with your significant other with your gigantic belly sticking out.

Seriously.  A MOP?
Just to further prove my point, I present the following:

Who are we showcasing here?
Whose idea do you think this was?
They clearly have been training for the zombie apocalypse.
I'm just saying....


  1. Holy cr*p. Those are horrifying! And I say that as someone who loved being pregnant.

  2. OH MY GOD!!!! Pregnancy photos to show your growing stomach, slathered with a glue stick, and then put into a baby book...FINE!

    These? CRAAAaaaaZZZYYYY Over the Top!!!

    But, thanks for sharing... it was a bit entertaining ;)

  3. I am a horror movie freak, so I like to be scared - - but those pictures were really too much for even me. How gross and tasteless. The man and the dog was especially disturbing. (Are there any uncaptured serial killers, because I think he may be one). Ick.

  4. Wow. Just wow. Why would anyone ever want to do this? Ick.

  5. A few of those women had some horrifying stretch marks...

    1. Hahahahahaha! I wasn't going to go there so thank you for being the one to do it!


    People post these on facebook and I just want to VOMIT!!

    More than that I want to shoot the very first moron photographer who thought this was in some way cute, touching, fun, loving - IT IS FUCKING NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE!!! Keep your big 'ol bellies and your baby daddy pics to yourself - as they should be!

    GREEEAAAAT post!

    1. A friend posting one on the Facebook was what set me off... Yeah. I unfriended her.

  7. Oh I have never heard of this and I was much better off before I saw this. What the hell are people thinking? It is good fodder for a blog though.

  8. Thank you Demi Moore! Dear God, how do you remove this from my retinas? Self tanner, camo, mops, and moss never make for great snaps shots people...EVER.

  9. The zombie apocalypse couple are my favorites. I haven't seen that one before. It's a new genre.

  10. Unbelievable and hysterical - Children of the corn - hahaha. My husband was always wanting to take "funny" pics of my pregnant self to which I always refused...dodged that bullet!

  11. Frightening to say the least!

  12. Omg I ranted on Facebook for weeks about this very subject while I was pregnant! Mostly it was the "I'm posing for Victorias Secret but im knocked up and HUGE" ones that bothered me. I mean seriously we all know how u got that way... No need to demonstrate with your husband/baby daddy sheepishly holding your boobs. Who thinks this shit up?

    Oh and I came under serious fire for those rants;-)

  13. I thought I was the only woman that didn't have these pregnant photos! Happy to know I belong again...


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