Monday, February 18, 2008

WHAT??? How could you?

Motherhood is full of moments of sheer joy and love. But everything in between those moments is awful. Sure, my kid is learning new things and it's magical to watch, but that happens a couple of times a day. The rest of the day is filled with screaming and power struggles and spit up and shitty diapers. I love being a mom. I do. But I have to tell you that like any other jobs there are times when you just want to quit.

Here's the thing. When I first started feeling this way I wrote it off as Post Partum Depression. When I continued feeling this way, I anonymously searched around on the web looking for other people like me. I didn't find much. I questioned myself and thought I should just send the kid off to therapy now because I am obviously a horrendous mom. Then I brought it up to one of my closest friends who is now in her third year of mommy-hood. And what do you know. SHE SAID THE SAME THING!!! Not only had she felt that way but she was afraid to talk about it. So I started asking around and I found that except for those who are heavily medicated or feel the need to always put on a smily face, almost all mothers I know feel like this.

And it's weird because you want to take a break. You want a day off. But then you drop the baby off at a sitter or you leave him or her at home with Dad and you find yourself missing the little bugger so much that you can't enjoy yourself.

My point is that motherhood is not all baby lotion smells and happy rainbows. It's hard. And it often (mostly) sucks. But if you give yourself permission to feel that way and stop expecting to feel whatever the hell a mom is "supposed to feel" you can slow down and accept all of it, as difficult as it is.

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....oh, sorry. I thought you were being smart-assed until I realized you weren't. Yoda speaking, "Lifelong commitment it is, motherhood it be."

    Why you laugh at my "contretemps"? Okie-dokie.


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