Starving for Newtons

I've been told it's just her age.  But I swear to God, every regular routine part of every single day is a huge dramatic nightmare for Lila and she makes all of it pure hell for me.

We eat dinner together every night.  I am a big fan of "family dinner time" so I insist that Ben be home from work and we all sit together at the table WITHOUT the TV on and talk.  I gave up a LONG time ago on eating foods that Lila is unlikely to eat.  So we rarely have steak or roasts or basically ANY grown up food because I just know that she will refuse to eat it and additionally make a big deal about the fact that she can't eat Popsicles for dinner.  And since I am no short-order cook, I only make one meal per night and so we eat a lot of hamburgers and pizza and tacos.  I try to make "healthier choices" when it comes to these things and so we use lean meat and whole grain and that kind of thing. 

In most families, this is enough and the kids generally shut up and partake in the dinners, but not in my house.  Not for the queen.  Lila just refuses to eat.  She just will not eat.  At least not what we are eating and not when we do.  Lila's entire MO for the last couple of months, is to take two bites of dinner then begin to play.  Usually we "suggest" that she eat some more and she says she will after she takes a break.  But she doesn't.  And she starts to do annoying things like bang her silverware or make obnoxious noises.  After a few minutes we tell her to either eat or get down.  She always gets down. 


It's the four food groups.

As I am sure you can guess, as soon as we clean the table off, Lila asks for a snack.  At first we tried giving her a " food you didn't finish at dinner" snack but this only caused convulsion-style tantrums so we stopped.  We began simply telling her that if she got down from the table without eating her dinner she could not have a snack.  Although this seems like a perfectly reasonable statement it fills me with fear and dread.  Because inevitably, as we are lying in bed and I close her story book for the night, she tells me she's hungry.  Then she can't go to sleep because she's too hungry and she ends up crying until well into the night until either we give her a snack or we drink ourselves unconscious.  I am not exaggerating when I say that she has cried in her room from 8:30 until close to 2 am until I finally gave in and brought her a cereal bar. 

We have tried allowing her to eat her dinner later, if she chooses.  She refuses, saying that at bedtime you can only eat snacks and not dinner.  I have tried offering her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or carrots and dip for snacks so that she can get some nutrition but then I realized that she was just holding out for these things.  Then I began trying to give her these things at dinner time, just to end the hassle of it all and GUESS WHAT???? She suddenly didn't like them anymore. 

I will not battle with her over eating.  She does not understand why she can't skip dinner and just eat 8 Fig Newtons at bedtime every night.  This is a battle of wills, and the only way to win the battle of wills with a 3 year old is to not let her know it's a battle.  I just tell her I really don't care if she's hungry.  She can eat what I give her or not at all.  And although I say these things, I have to admit that when she turns into a total asshole because she's hungry after refusing to eat lunch and then she refuses to eat anything other than whatever random food item she deems necessary at that moment (it Alvin and the Chipmunks gummy snacks, today) I just send her to her room until she can chill the fuck out and act like a human child again.  Sometimes I can get her to eat normal food, sometimes I can't.  Usually, I compromise on a bowl of cereal or yogurt or something and about half the time, she still refuses to eat it, but I still feel like she holds out for these snack foods that she likes better than actual meals.  It's not the fact that she only wants to eat a few foods.  Its the fact that the few foods she wants to eat are cookies, chips, and ice cream.

I know the old adage that a healthy kid will not starve herself.  But no one ever says she won't maker her mother completely insane in her quest to only eat the 3 items she wants to eat so that she can prove who is in charge.

So. Very. Tired.

I have been so exhausted lately that I cannot even begin to bitch about my kid because I just don't have the energy.  I am pretty sure that the thick gray of winter is sucking the sunshine and happiness out of my soul (what little I had in there).  Anyone want to tell me a story about their spawn?  I am a fantastic listener (reader).

I hate winter

I think my kid would be a whole lot more managable if I was willing to get her all dressed up and go outside and play with her in the snow.  But I fucking hate the snow.  And the only thing I hate more than being outside in the snow is coming in and having miniature puddles of melted snow all over the house.  I don't even bother to buy myself hats or gloves or the kind of boots that are useful in actual deep snow.  Because I never have any intention of being outside in it for more than the amount of time it takes to get from the house to the car.

But every now and then I am forced to participate in snow-loving antics by Ben, who insists we do "family things" together.

FUCK THIS SHIT!!!

THAT'S YOUR GREATEST CONCERN???? Really?

I don't normally mix politics and parenting (and in fact, I never link to my politics blog) but this is one time where I feel that my opinion seems more relevant on a blog about my kid. 

Last night after President Obama gave his State of the Union address, Representative Paul Ryan from Wisconsin gave the Republican response.  As an extremely liberal progressive, I rolled my eyes for most of it.  But then he pulled the "parent card" and that just pissed me off.

Paul Ryan was talking about the Federal debt and how if we continue on our current path, our children will inherit a shitty country.  I do not disagree with this sentiment.  In fact, on at least ONE occasion, I have worried that the Lila will not be able to go to college or find a job if she does.  But then that asshole Ryan pulled the drama card.  he said (and I quote):

"Frankly, it's one of my greatest concerns as a parent — and I know many of you feel the same way."

First off, NO.  I don't feel the same way.  When I put my concerns as a parent in a top 5 kind of list, the NATIONAL DEBT does not end up in the "top".  Maybe in the top 20.  Or 50.  But there's PLENTY of things to worry about as a parent.

It must be truly awesome to be a Congressman.  You obviously never have to worry about not being able to feed your kids.  You never have to worry about whether you can afford to take them to the doctor if they get sick.  You never have to worry that you will have to send them to a shitty public school where they won't learn a damned thing and need to go through metal detectors to get in.  You never have to worry that your kid will grow up with a sense of entitlement (because they will likely never have to want for much).  You never have to worry about not being able to pay the rent or mortgage and having to force your kid to live in your car.  You never have to worry about not being able to buy them nice clothes so that the kids at school don't make fun of them.  You never have to worry that they will grow up without a sense of right and wrong and end up in prison because you can always get them out of it (and they can always go on to be in Congress).  You never have to worry that the crappy processed food you feed them is killing them because it's all you can afford.  Do I need to keep going?  Because I have at least 15 more things that I am worried about as a parent, RIGHT NOW.

Frankly, you are in the minority.  In the fantastic and priviliged world you live in, this WOULD be your GREATEST fucking concern as a parent.  And this is why I don't vote Republican.  Because although you may find it if you look hard enough, you would be WAAAAY less likely to find a Democrat who thinks the FEDERAL DEBT is the GREATEST concern to parents. 

Throwing fits like an asshole.

I am the Mommy.  I am in charge.  I do not put up with the kid's tantrums.  I will send her little ass to bed.  But I seriously DREAD having to tell her to do anything because I just don't want the fight.  And that little asshole totally knows it. 

Everyone tells me that if I am firm and don't react too much to it, it will stop but since I became determined not to yell and scream and freak out at her, the anger is just building and I fear that I am going to slap her.  She is such a little bitch sometimes.

Tonight I made Daddy deal with it.