CRAP-TASTIC! - No, seriously.

I dont know why Lila sees the toilet as being pure evil.  It's not like I showed her this:

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Well folks, after a year of begging and cajoling and trying ever suggestion (including bribery, trickery and just leaving her alone) Lila managed to take a crap on the toilet on Tuesday.  Not only that, she has crapped Wednesday and this morning as well.

I wish I could say it was her choice.  I wish I could say that I did what any loving and attentive parent would have done and let her come around on her own.  But I didn't.  I simply refused to buy any more pull-ups and it just so happened that she was sick and couldn't really hold it anymore.

I wish I could give credit to the gazillion suggestions I received from you all.  I wish I could say it was because I bribed her with a trip to Target for a new Barbie or because I told her I would take her to Friendly's for ice cream (Yes, I told her both of those things) but it wasn't.  It was just because Ben has a shitload of patience with her begging and crying that I don't have.

He was the hero in this one.  After me trying to talk her through it for about 15 minutes while she cried in sheer terror that she could not properly explain (because she is three), I gave up and called in the big guns. 

Ben went in and offered to take all the water out of the toilet so there would be no splash.  This helped but did not in any way make her want to go.  I sat in the hallway crying because this was obviously mean and cruel but I reminded myself that I had never heard of anyone so traumatized by having to shit on the potty that they became mass murderers.

Ben started asking her about school.  About who was sick and who was the "leader" and all of a sudden I heard her stop crying and squeak out a little, "I think I did it."

And she did.  She was so proud of herself and so we had to act like crapping in the toilet was the most incredible thing we had ever witnessed.  We told her she was brave and so big now and she just beamed with pride!

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And of course, yesterday we went to Target where I managed to spend $22 on a Barbie and some other crap toys just to keep the momentum going.

So to all of you who reassured me it was going to be okay and that my kid would eventually stop crapping her pants, I say THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT.

Now I have to figure out how to properly wipe a kid's ass when she is half standing up.

Parenting Fail?

Am I a terrible mom?  I try to stay on top of things.  I want my kid to eat well and get enough sleep and say please and thank you.  I want her to be smart and capable and independent and well-behaved.  And so far I have failed at all but the part about her being smart (assed) and independednt (3 going on 13). 

In trying to come to terms with just how to handle this problem of Lila being the sassiest little bitch on earth (yeah, I said it), the only thing I can come up with is that I am just too fucking tired to discipline her EVERY SINGLE TIME (which would literally be about 3 times per minute) that she does something that pisses me off. 

My kid yells at me.  She throws things and she refuses to eat.  Then she throws a huge asshole fit about the fact that she doesn't get any snacks because she refused to eat what I put in front of her (No, I don't give in and she still does not GET it). She refuses to poop on the toilet still and when I refused to buy any more pull ups, she held it for 4 days until it was so painful for her (even with the laxative) that she will probably never want to shit on the toilet again (thanks to the doctor for that award-winning advice).  She acts like an animal when we go to a store.  She manipulates me by crying and telling me she hates me (remind you, she is not a teenager - she's 3). 

In between the 3 minute hugs and the 2 and a half moments of happiness is all this SHIT.

I am at my wits end.  And all I can do is blog about it. 

Fucking kid.

More Trauma by Poop

Jesus Christ.  My kid is terrified of pooping. 

No really.

She is still refusing to poop on the toilet and is really freaked out now about going in a pull up.  EVERYONE has assured me that I should just LET HER and that she will decide when she's ready to try the toilet. 

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(Many of you know that several months ago I wrote about her fear of pooping on the toilet.  If you haven't read it, click here)

I've read her the books.  I have ignored it and attempted to let her "come around herself" (for almost a full year now).  I have pleaded and tried to bargain with rewards and bribe with fantastic gifts.  I have done breathing exercises with her on the toilet.  I have let her "read" for an hour in the bathroom.  She will NOT let a number two loose on the toilet.

Recently, it occurred to me that she may be actually phobic of it.  She panics when she feels it coming.  She gets scared.  She even tries to get me not to take her pull-up off because she is afraid she (in her words) "made a bad poop".  My mother believes that I have convinced her that pooping is bad because she is so afraid of being cleaned up after going in a pull-up.  I assure you, I do nothing but tell her how normal it is.

And after today, I am convinced that she will never shit again.
(WARNING: THIS IS NOT FOR THE EASILY GROSSED OUT)

Lila spent the day at my mother's house while I was at work today and apparently complained much of the day that her belly hurt her.  She told my mother that she needed to put a pull up on and as always my mother complied.  A few minutes later, Lila was no where to be found.  My mother found her playing with a flashlight in her closet (the smell was overwhelming) and told her that it was time to come out and get changed.  Lila started to panic. 

When she tried to put her down, Lila arched her back and started screaming.



Lila told her it was "a really big poop" and my mother assured her it was okay.  Lila told her it was really messy, and my mother told her it wasn't a big deal and she would just clean it up.  Lila told her she didn't want to lie down to get changed but my mother insisted because Lila is ALWAYS freaked out by pooping.  Lila immediately started screaming that there was poop on her.  My mother then realized that there was literally a SHIT LOAD of diarrhea and it was coming out of Lila's pull up and all up the back of her.  Up her back, and into her fucking hair (how did she not realize this?  I don't know...she's old).

Lila was completely fucking freaking out. 

When Ben showed up to get Lila, she was in the bathtub crying and freaking because there was now poop in the bathtub (I have no idea why my mother didnt just shower her...but whatever). 

After getting her dried up and dressed, Ben took her home and gave her a good bath with shampoo and bubbles and all that.  She was fine.  Like nothing ever happened.

Until she thought she had to poop again.  She freaked out.  She had a pull up on and suddenly remembered and asked me, "am I going to have diarrhea again?"  I said, "I don't know, Lila.  But it's okay.  Let's see." 

She freaked and told me she didn't have to go anymore.  I tried to talk to her but she got all uptight ant weird so we let it go. 

At bedtime, she told me she needed a pull up.  I put it on her and we waited.  She got really freaked out again when she started to feel like it was coming.  Then she told me she just peed a little and she was not going to poop tonight.  I knew from the smell that she hadn't peed.  And that she still has diarrhea and was now trying to hold it.  "This is going to be AWESOME tonight when she wakes up covered in shit," I thought.  But she refused to try to go more.

So what the hell do you do with a kid who is shit-phobic?  Seriously?

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