Ok. You know that whole "get in shape reasonably" thing I was going on about last week? Yeah. Um. Well the week has been rough.
Here is my progress:
Weigh-in: 156 lbs.
I gained a pound. But in fairness, I have had three cups of coffee and that's a lot of liquid.
Well, I walked twice. I also had dessert twice and ate after 9pm once (but it was just an apple so I think it shouldn't count). Although I THOUGHT about my goals every time I poured a glass of water, I seriously am just not thirsty enough to drink that much liquid throughout the day.
I am not giving up. Today I will start again. I am going to go grocery shopping and plan my meals this week (which I failed to do last week which led to fast food twice and a lot of crap). I am also going to pick up a Weight Watchers cookbook and see if I can find some good stuff in there to cook so that I don't eat so much cheese (mmmmmm...cheese!).
My other goal this week is to write at least one GOOD post where I am not just bitching about what a miserable fat ass I am.
For now though, just watch this. If all dessert looked like these, I would have no problem avoiding it.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Blogger is an asshole
To my blogger friends who use Blogger:
I want to comment on your posts. I go there and I read them and laugh and think of the perfect comment...then I can't comment.
Basically, Blogger doesn't recognize me (even when I try to comment on my own blog) and so it asks me to log in. When I try to do that I get an error message.
Now, I know it isn't my computer because I recently got a NEW laptop and it is still doing it. And I also know that some of you are wondering why you have 0 or very few comments. Well, this is why.
The only way I can post comments is if the blog allows anonymous comments and allows me to put in my name/URL instead of requiring me to log in.
Go fix that shit girls. Then go look at my post about how sucking is awesome because I tried to notify all the people I gave it to that I gave it to them but basically all but 2 were Blogger blogs that wouldn't allow me to comment.
Blogger is a whore.
-Selena
I want to comment on your posts. I go there and I read them and laugh and think of the perfect comment...then I can't comment.
Basically, Blogger doesn't recognize me (even when I try to comment on my own blog) and so it asks me to log in. When I try to do that I get an error message.
Now, I know it isn't my computer because I recently got a NEW laptop and it is still doing it. And I also know that some of you are wondering why you have 0 or very few comments. Well, this is why.
The only way I can post comments is if the blog allows anonymous comments and allows me to put in my name/URL instead of requiring me to log in.
Go fix that shit girls. Then go look at my post about how sucking is awesome because I tried to notify all the people I gave it to that I gave it to them but basically all but 2 were Blogger blogs that wouldn't allow me to comment.
Blogger is a whore.
-Selena
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Where else would I vent
Being poor sucks. Seriously. Being poor but not poor enough to qualify for State health insurance is even worse. Because it forces you to have to do stupid things for medical care.
I have been going to a community health center.
When I first went there I was happy I found it because I was really sick and I wouldn't have to mortgage my kid to get some antibiotics. Granted, it is in a terrifying part of town and filled with people who smell bad and look worse, but it was cheap and these were actual real doctors who were willing to see me without an up front cash payment.
But as time has gone on, the gratefulness has worn off. I am pretty sure they have no idea what they are doing and I am not getting anything close to decent health care.
I have Major Depression. I have been struggling with it on and off for most of my life and in the last 6 months I have been especially dragged down and lethargic. I am medicated but it isn't working and the waiting list for the Psychiatrist at the health center is (literally) 10 months.
I have been getting my prescription needs met by a very nice but extremely young (he may not be legal) Physicians Assistant that we will call Aaron.
Aaron is terrified of me because he knows absolutely NOTHING about psychiatric medications and I have a long and tumultuous history with them. When I first went to him, I was having withdrawals because I had run out of my meds while waiting for my mail-order supply to come from Canada (yes, it's legal). And he was happy to write me the script.
The next time he saw me, I told him that the drugs that I was on weren't working and he upped the dosage. The next time he added something else to the mix. He has tested me for Thyroid problems and Anemia and finally today I told him that he has to prescribe me something else because this shit is NOT working for me and I can't be lethargic and miserable all day every day because I am going to lose my family and my job like this.
So, he nervously agrees to put me BACK on a high dosage of Prozac until I can get into the Psychiatry department where I only have about 4 months left to wait.
But here's the thing. He wants me OFF the shit I am on entirely before I start the minimal dosage of the Prozac. I told him this is a huge mistake. I told him that I will not survive the transition if my previous experience of going off the meds is any indication of the potential for problems. He told me that he has to be cautious and that there is no other way. I told him that as someone who has been through the transition, I know that this is dangerous and I will likely end up at the very least traumatizing my kid and losing my job and in the most likely situation will end up hospitalized. He told me to come back in 6 weeks and to call him if I have any problems, which is easier said than done because when you call there you essentially just get transferred around until you end up on a line that rings forever.
When I went to make my 6 week follow up appointment, the girl gives me a date exactly 2 months from today. I say to her, "that's more than 6 weeks," to which she replies, "well it's two months...and there's 3 weeks in a month.".
"No, there's 4 weeks in a month, and July and August are long months," I reply.
She gives me this look like she is going to slap me and says, "there's 3 weeks in a month...give or take."
What the hell am I supposed to say to that? So I shut up and take my appointment card knowing that I am getting bad advice from my doctor and that the staff is stupid and incompetent.
I don't feel good about this at all. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
Then there's this:
I have been going to a community health center.
When I first went there I was happy I found it because I was really sick and I wouldn't have to mortgage my kid to get some antibiotics. Granted, it is in a terrifying part of town and filled with people who smell bad and look worse, but it was cheap and these were actual real doctors who were willing to see me without an up front cash payment.
But as time has gone on, the gratefulness has worn off. I am pretty sure they have no idea what they are doing and I am not getting anything close to decent health care.
I have Major Depression. I have been struggling with it on and off for most of my life and in the last 6 months I have been especially dragged down and lethargic. I am medicated but it isn't working and the waiting list for the Psychiatrist at the health center is (literally) 10 months.
I have been getting my prescription needs met by a very nice but extremely young (he may not be legal) Physicians Assistant that we will call Aaron.
 |
| My doctor. |
The next time he saw me, I told him that the drugs that I was on weren't working and he upped the dosage. The next time he added something else to the mix. He has tested me for Thyroid problems and Anemia and finally today I told him that he has to prescribe me something else because this shit is NOT working for me and I can't be lethargic and miserable all day every day because I am going to lose my family and my job like this.
So, he nervously agrees to put me BACK on a high dosage of Prozac until I can get into the Psychiatry department where I only have about 4 months left to wait.
But here's the thing. He wants me OFF the shit I am on entirely before I start the minimal dosage of the Prozac. I told him this is a huge mistake. I told him that I will not survive the transition if my previous experience of going off the meds is any indication of the potential for problems. He told me that he has to be cautious and that there is no other way. I told him that as someone who has been through the transition, I know that this is dangerous and I will likely end up at the very least traumatizing my kid and losing my job and in the most likely situation will end up hospitalized. He told me to come back in 6 weeks and to call him if I have any problems, which is easier said than done because when you call there you essentially just get transferred around until you end up on a line that rings forever.
When I went to make my 6 week follow up appointment, the girl gives me a date exactly 2 months from today. I say to her, "that's more than 6 weeks," to which she replies, "well it's two months...and there's 3 weeks in a month.".
"No, there's 4 weeks in a month, and July and August are long months," I reply.
She gives me this look like she is going to slap me and says, "there's 3 weeks in a month...give or take."
What the hell am I supposed to say to that? So I shut up and take my appointment card knowing that I am getting bad advice from my doctor and that the staff is stupid and incompetent.
I don't feel good about this at all. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
Then there's this:
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Because Sucking is AWESOME
So the other day I am perusing my favorite Blog Attracted to Shiny Things (because I stalk it for new laughs all the time) and I see that she has been awarded this:
And all I can think is, "THAT BITCH! I want that Goddamned icon on MY page. Maybe I will just steal it and say someone gave it to me." But as I read further down I saw something fucking incredible.
SHE AWARDED IT TO ME!!!
Not only did she give it to me (along with 9 other bloggers) but I was the FIRST which means that I am the best (I am feeling really humble today obviously).
So in order to claim my award, which I intend to do right now, I have to tell you "7 DEEP things about me" which is easy because some days I just LOVE to talk about myself, and pass it along to 10 awesome bloggers (harder because I have been stalking Attracted to Shiny Things so hard that I have barely read any other blogs in the last few weeks...)
Deep Things:
1. Although I have upwards of 400 friends on the Facebook, I have a mysteriously absent social life. Seriously. I don't know what happened to all my real life friends, but since I moved back to Upstate New York 3 years ago, I have had only a few outings that involved anyone other than my kid and her father. Perhaps I should be spending less time on the Facebook.
2. Just when I had gotten to the point where I didn't care that I was overweight, I outgrew my fat clothes. Now I have to lose weight. I was okay with not being skinny. I was. I went out and spent some money on big-girl sized clothes and was like "fuck it." Because in truth, I like chocolate cake WAY more than I liked being tiny-sized. So I accepted it and moved on. But apparently my ass didn't get the message that I was perfectly comfortable in a size 14. Because it thinks that a 16 or 20 would be more comfortable. Which would be fine, I guess. But I truly cannot afford to go and buy any more clothes. So the cake will have to wait.
3. I used to date a con man who maintained that I was the only person he ever told the truth to. Back when I was kid, I had a little boyfriend and he had a little brother. The little brother grew up to be super hot and charming and I totally fell for him. Then he moved away and I carried that torch until a few years later when we met up again and I fell all over again. But something wasn't right. He acted really suspiciously all the time. He changed phone numbers and addresses all the time. He was incredibly unreliable. For example, we would have plans for the weekend and I would confirm this with him on Friday. Then Saturday he would fail to show up but Sunday morning he would call me from South Carolina and explain that "the Feds" showed up so he had to take off for a few days. "The Feds" came up ALL THE TIME. My friend and I used to laugh about it because we thought he just had a girlfriend or something and so I ended up basically writing him off. But a few weeks later I saw on the local news that they had caught one of his best friends who was wanted in like 7 states for fraud and assorted scams and realized that all these places his friend was wanted were places he had called me from (as confirmed on my phone bill). The friend went to prison for a really long time but never ratted. He managed to run from the Feds for another 8 years before he was let go on a technicality just recently. He's still fucking amazingly hot.
4. This is really hard. If I was just giving you random facts I would be able to do this, but "DEEP THINGS?" What the hell Yvonne?
5. I am a really shitty housekeeper. I hate cleaning and I have a 4 year old running around so you see how this is a problem. I never understood those people who get a rush from cleaning and organizing because I get the opposite. Cleaning drains me. It makes me want to die. Not to say my house is FILTHY. I clean. But I don't do all the maintenance stuff as often as I should (I refuse to clean toilets more than once a week and I force Ben to scrub the tub which only happens maybe once a month) but it gets done eventually. And I refuse to pick up Lila's crap more than once a day so generally shit stays strewn all over the house until she goes to bed at night. And don't get me started about the inside of my car.
6. I don't really believe in God but I believe in Serendipity. I was raised Catholic and always had a hard time swallowing the whole "God will punish you" thing because it just seemed that God had better things to do than watch teenagers masturbate or monitor my every thought for covetousness. So I stopped believing. But I never stopped believing that there is some kind of master plan and that everything happens for a reason. Not that we don't make our own choices. We do. And we go horribly off path. But in the end we always end up where we need to be.
7. I was afraid that my kid was going to destroy my shitty attitude and bad ass reputation. Instead she gave me more shit to be pissed about. But she also made me a total dork. You know how old people never listen to new music until it's on a commercial? Well, that's me. I also dress the same as I did like 10 years ago, totally oblivious to trends and can't be bothered with makeup most days. Congratulations Lila for making me totally lame.
OK. Now the hard part:
I hereby bestow the Blog on Fire Award to the following bloggers:
1. Tails of Motherhood
2. Pooping in Peace
3. People I Want to Punch in the Throat
4. OK in UK
5. 39 for the First Time
6. Bad Words
7. Just Plain Jayne
8. Taking it On
9. Adventures in Mommyhood
10. Shanimal's Crackers
And all I can think is, "THAT BITCH! I want that Goddamned icon on MY page. Maybe I will just steal it and say someone gave it to me." But as I read further down I saw something fucking incredible.
SHE AWARDED IT TO ME!!!
Not only did she give it to me (along with 9 other bloggers) but I was the FIRST which means that I am the best (I am feeling really humble today obviously).
So in order to claim my award, which I intend to do right now, I have to tell you "7 DEEP things about me" which is easy because some days I just LOVE to talk about myself, and pass it along to 10 awesome bloggers (harder because I have been stalking Attracted to Shiny Things so hard that I have barely read any other blogs in the last few weeks...)
Deep Things:
1. Although I have upwards of 400 friends on the Facebook, I have a mysteriously absent social life. Seriously. I don't know what happened to all my real life friends, but since I moved back to Upstate New York 3 years ago, I have had only a few outings that involved anyone other than my kid and her father. Perhaps I should be spending less time on the Facebook.
2. Just when I had gotten to the point where I didn't care that I was overweight, I outgrew my fat clothes. Now I have to lose weight. I was okay with not being skinny. I was. I went out and spent some money on big-girl sized clothes and was like "fuck it." Because in truth, I like chocolate cake WAY more than I liked being tiny-sized. So I accepted it and moved on. But apparently my ass didn't get the message that I was perfectly comfortable in a size 14. Because it thinks that a 16 or 20 would be more comfortable. Which would be fine, I guess. But I truly cannot afford to go and buy any more clothes. So the cake will have to wait.
 |
| That's me on the right. |
4. This is really hard. If I was just giving you random facts I would be able to do this, but "DEEP THINGS?" What the hell Yvonne?
5. I am a really shitty housekeeper. I hate cleaning and I have a 4 year old running around so you see how this is a problem. I never understood those people who get a rush from cleaning and organizing because I get the opposite. Cleaning drains me. It makes me want to die. Not to say my house is FILTHY. I clean. But I don't do all the maintenance stuff as often as I should (I refuse to clean toilets more than once a week and I force Ben to scrub the tub which only happens maybe once a month) but it gets done eventually. And I refuse to pick up Lila's crap more than once a day so generally shit stays strewn all over the house until she goes to bed at night. And don't get me started about the inside of my car.
6. I don't really believe in God but I believe in Serendipity. I was raised Catholic and always had a hard time swallowing the whole "God will punish you" thing because it just seemed that God had better things to do than watch teenagers masturbate or monitor my every thought for covetousness. So I stopped believing. But I never stopped believing that there is some kind of master plan and that everything happens for a reason. Not that we don't make our own choices. We do. And we go horribly off path. But in the end we always end up where we need to be.
7. I was afraid that my kid was going to destroy my shitty attitude and bad ass reputation. Instead she gave me more shit to be pissed about. But she also made me a total dork. You know how old people never listen to new music until it's on a commercial? Well, that's me. I also dress the same as I did like 10 years ago, totally oblivious to trends and can't be bothered with makeup most days. Congratulations Lila for making me totally lame.
 |
| I am working on bringing this look back. |
OK. Now the hard part:
I hereby bestow the Blog on Fire Award to the following bloggers:
1. Tails of Motherhood
2. Pooping in Peace
3. People I Want to Punch in the Throat
4. OK in UK
5. 39 for the First Time
6. Bad Words
7. Just Plain Jayne
8. Taking it On
9. Adventures in Mommyhood
10. Shanimal's Crackers
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Sunday Stealing
Who doesn't love talking about themselves? That's why I love SUNDAY STEALING
1. Tell us about something that made you laugh last night.
I watched Russel Brand in Arthur. I love him for some reason even though he is mostly just really drunk.
2. What were you doing at 8 PM last night?
Laying with Lila trying to get her to stay still for 45 seconds so she would fall asleep. Because if she stays still for just a few seconds she's out.
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Watching some crap on PBS
4. What happened to you in 2006? (Feel free to republish an old post from '06.)
Nothing.
5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
Leave me alone.
6. How many beverages did you have today?
like 4 cups of coffee and three glasses of water.
7. What color is your hairbrush?
Um...Silver/gray?
8. What was the last thing you paid for?
I pay for my decision to have a kid EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY!
9. Where were you last night?
Home. At least that's my alibi.
10. What color is your front door?
White. Lila wants to paint it purple. I say WE SHOULD DO IT!
11. Where do you keep your change?
Mostly in the couch cushions
12. What’s the weather like today?
Hot but breezy. Much nicer than yesterday.
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
The BEST? Coffee, because it's the best idea ever. My favorite? Chocolate Chip.
14. What excites you?
Nothing lately. I need something.
15. Do you want to cut your hair?
No. I did it a few months ago and I hate it just as much as I did before I did it.
16. Are you over the age of 35?
No. Not yet.
17. Do you talk a lot?
Sometimes. I tend to talk loudly. It makes up for my lack of saying anything useful.
18. Do you watch Franklin and Bash?
WHO AND WHAT?
19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
No. But I have a girl friend called Steve.
20. Do you make up your own words?
Not usually. Unless I am drunk.
21. Are you a jealous person?
Yes. Extremely. I am even jealous of you for getting to read this instead of type it.
22. What does the last text message you received say?
I can't say it here. It will incriminate me.
23. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Bed hopefully.
24. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
My kid. But she's four and she's learning.
25. Are you crushing on anyone that you shouldn't be?
Only Satan and an unnamed con man.
1. Tell us about something that made you laugh last night.
I watched Russel Brand in Arthur. I love him for some reason even though he is mostly just really drunk.
2. What were you doing at 8 PM last night?
Laying with Lila trying to get her to stay still for 45 seconds so she would fall asleep. Because if she stays still for just a few seconds she's out.
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Watching some crap on PBS
4. What happened to you in 2006? (Feel free to republish an old post from '06.)
Nothing.
5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
Leave me alone.
6. How many beverages did you have today?
like 4 cups of coffee and three glasses of water.
7. What color is your hairbrush?
Um...Silver/gray?
8. What was the last thing you paid for?
I pay for my decision to have a kid EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY!
9. Where were you last night?
Home. At least that's my alibi.
10. What color is your front door?
White. Lila wants to paint it purple. I say WE SHOULD DO IT!
11. Where do you keep your change?
Mostly in the couch cushions
12. What’s the weather like today?
Hot but breezy. Much nicer than yesterday.
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
The BEST? Coffee, because it's the best idea ever. My favorite? Chocolate Chip.
14. What excites you?
Nothing lately. I need something.
15. Do you want to cut your hair?
No. I did it a few months ago and I hate it just as much as I did before I did it.
16. Are you over the age of 35?
No. Not yet.
17. Do you talk a lot?
Sometimes. I tend to talk loudly. It makes up for my lack of saying anything useful.
18. Do you watch Franklin and Bash?
WHO AND WHAT?
19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
No. But I have a girl friend called Steve.
20. Do you make up your own words?
Not usually. Unless I am drunk.
21. Are you a jealous person?
Yes. Extremely. I am even jealous of you for getting to read this instead of type it.
22. What does the last text message you received say?
I can't say it here. It will incriminate me.
23. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
Bed hopefully.
24. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
My kid. But she's four and she's learning.
25. Are you crushing on anyone that you shouldn't be?
Only Satan and an unnamed con man.
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