Friday, March 7, 2014

Our one issue

So we moved. And adjusted.  We have worked out a schedule that works for us so far.  We split the week. I have her half the week and he has her half the week.  There was about a 2 week period where she had a tough time with it but we made it through it and she seems pretty well adjusted.  We kept it out of the courts and have an agreement.  We are on good terms.  We get along for the most part.  There has really only been one point that has caused any drama for us.

He is dating someone.  And he is bringing her around my kid.

He has been seeing a girl for several months and has decided that it is okay to bring my daughter around her.  I wish I could say that I was mature and looked at this as another loving adult that my daughter will have to turn to but in reality I am not at all comfortable with it.  First off, I know the girl.  I went to high school with her and I never liked her.  She doesn't have any kids and I was told (by him) that she believes the best part about having kids around is sending them home.  Not really winning my approval.

But more than that is the fact that my kid really likes her.  She is at an age where she really likes everyone who is nice to her and so she really likes this girl which is somehow threatening to me.  I know that I am Mom and I will always be number 1 but I can't help but to feel bad about her cozying up to this other woman.  One day a few weeks ago, Lila told me that this girl was over and it was bedtime so she did bedtime which entails a story and laying down with Lila for a few minutes to talk about the day.  How could I not feel threatened by this kind of intimacy?

I don't feel like this is about him and me.  I don't wish he wasn't seeing her or anything like that.  I just wish that he didn't feel the need to introduce my kid to her so soon.  I am just not ready for that.  I am not ready to hear my kid asking me if this girl is going to be her "new mommy" (which she did ask me).  I am not ready for her to have a step mom.  And not this woman.  Anyone but her.  Anyone but someone who I know doesn't really like kids all that much.


5 comments:

  1. I am not sure this is your best post. I mean you are coming off as jealous. Once you two broke up you lost say in who he spends his free time with…as well as your child. “And he is bringing her around my kid” - shouldn’t that say “our” kid. I also wonder, if because you don’t like this girl, if her saying the best part is sending kids back was meant to be humorous and you have taken it out of context because you are jealous. You can’t possibly know the new woman and what she thinks. You are basing this on experiences you had as an adolescent. People grow and mature – although it sounds like you missed that boat.

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  2. I have to agree with Lynn here. It sounds more like you are jealous of this other woman. Kids usually have a good judge of character. As long as she's good to her, that should be all that matters. Would you rather him be with someone who has 5 kids with 5 different fathers? It doesn't seem like you know much about her at all. There could be underlying circumstances as to why she doesn't have children. You shouldn't make assumptions about someone you crossed paths with as a teenager... Especially coming from someone who has a blog title "Because Motherhood Sucks" Where you talk about your own child being the spawn of satan or a little asshole. Makes me wonder about your parenting...

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  3. I am on board with the other commenters. You write 'we' and 'us' as if you are a couple. Then you say this isn't about 'him and me' and that 's precisely what it is about. It is the fact that you are separated and although you have a common bond in your daughter, you can't seem to let go of the 'we'. If another woman has enough strength and love for a man and his child, your child, to go through a bedtime routine that is parentally intimate, you should feel damn lucky and embrace the fact that this child and her father have a positive relationship and role model in their lives. At what point do you say, "good for them and good for us - I don't have to worry about one night stands or an abusive relationship or a child abuser in my kids life"?? You have to grow up and let go.

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  4. Welcome back! These other commentators almost seem to take this personally. Most people understand that it's not easy to adjust to a new girlfriend or boyfriend in your child's life. Tougher when you don't know the other person well or had a negative experience with them previously. Realistically, you and the father probably should have discussed what you would do in this situation beforehand and come to a mutual agreement.

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  5. i totally agree with u dont listen to these catty bitches. i wouldnt want some stupid woman coming around my kid u r perfectly right in feeling that way

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