Sunday, March 18, 2012

Sick Kid, Broken Mirrors and Sparkles

Lila is sick again.  Last night we ended up taking her to Urgent Care because she had a fever of 103.5 that wouldn't go down with Tylenol.  Turns out she has Strep Throat.  And because I love my kid (don't tell anyone) and wanted to make sure she got her Motrin and antibiotics every 6 hours, I brought her to bed with me. 

There is a very simple reason why I NEVER let Lila sleep in bed with me.  Because although I LOVE the idea of her cuddled up next to me with her little head nestled in the crook of my arm, in reality she wakes me up every time she moves, talks in her sleep and physically assaults me throughout the night.  She literally slapped me in the face THREE TIMES.  IN THE FACE! 

So I am waiting for her to wake up and get the hell out of bed so that her father can watch her all day and I can go BACK to bed and get some sleep.  Which is a shame because it's damn near 70 degrees outside already and it's only 10 am. 

So to amuse you this morning, here is the Sunday Stealing you have all been waiting for.

Sunday Stealing: The Her Head Is Part Missing Meme

1. What is your most annoying habit?
Going online to check my bank balance (or some other really quick little thing) and coming away 4 hours later not knowing what the hell happened.

2. What habit would you change of your partner's?
(I added the apostrophe and it made MUCH more sense...)  All of them?

3. Horrors or Chick Flicks?

4. What is the most outrageous thing you have done in the back row of the movies?
Fell asleep.  I saved all my outrageousness for basements and back seats.

5. When have you lied to get a job?
Never.  The Jedi mind trick has never failed me.
As you can imagine, that line works like a charm.

6. What one thing is on your list to do before you hit 30, 40, 50 or whatever significant birthday is next?
Convince everyone that I am their savior.  Then sit back and laugh as they formulate a world-dominating religion around me.

7. Classic or modern films and why?
Both because I am not a pretentious "film" asshole. 

8. If you were a vampire who would be the first person you would bite?
Myself if I sparkled. And I would spend the rest of eternity apologizing for being one of the douchy Twilight vampires.
I couldn't pick which one I liked better.

9. If you had the power to make one thing better, what would it be?
My poor sick kid.

10. What makes a great blog?
Honesty.  And pictures stolen from the Internet with witty captions.  Especially if someone is offended.

(This is what REALLY makes a great blog)

11. What was the inspiration that brought your blog to the blogosphere?
All you need to know is the name of my blog.  No one wanted to admit it and I was like "yeah, well it fucking sucks.  So there."

12. What easily ticks you off (puts you in a bad mood quickly)?
Stupidity, people who can't spit out what they're trying to say, people who ask me what the hell I'm talking about.

13. How many children do you have?
One.  And seriously.  That's more than enough.
It's only a matter of time...
14. Is there anything you have ever regretted writing on your blog?
No.  Except for some of these answers.

15. What’s your favorite blog post you have written this year so far?
It's been a pretty rough year for writer's block.  I haven't written much.  Maybe this one. Or this one about the non-genderized kid.  Notice they're both angry rants...

16. Do you ever enter other bloggers competitions, and have you ever been lucky?
I don't because I am literally the unluckiest person alive.  Want to hit the lottery?  Ask me to pick 45 numbers and play the ones I don't pick.  Seriously. 

This is how I start my day.

17. If you could be anyone else for the day, who would you choose and why?
Lila.  That kid lives in the lap of luxury.

18. If you could time travel to any period of history what era would you visit?
25 A.D.  I want to see what Jesus was really all about.     

19. If you had to be genetically modified, would you rather have a third arm, a third leg, a second head or some other modification???
I would want a third penis. 

20. Which Disney character can you most relate to?
Any of these guys:


  1. Hilarious! I ACTUALLY laughed out loud for several minutes!

  2. Aw.. I hope Lila is feeling better soon!

    Love this post and good to see we have porn in common! Hahahaha!

  3. You crack me up!

    Sick kids suck...hope your Lila gets well soon.

  4. Fun! I always love your answers.

  5. I think chick flicks + horror = Porn (at least for guys).

    Your picture of the reality of sleeping with your kid brought back some VERY PAINFUL memories. So, thanks for that. ;-)

    1. I wish I could take credit for the pic, but like most of them, it comes from random google image searches.

  6. I just had the best idea for a post (or a non-snobby movie plot) - you & Lila switch bodies for a couple days and she has to start writing your blog then comes back as herself with the full knowledge of the "hell" you live haha. Oh the possibilities...

  7. I left a little gift for you over on my blog :)

  8. I love your stolen pic "my sense of humor"....if I haven't laughed hysterically over something and then thought, yep, I'm going to hell, than it wasn't that funny!

  9. You. YOU!!! Are a fucking riot. I love your randomness. And now I get why you love me. You REALLY, REALLY, LOVE ME!

    Oh, wait. This is supposed to be about you. Sorry, my bad.

    THIRD PENIS!!!!! If you ever leave Ben, can we hook up?

  10. It's so sad to hear about Lila. Strep throat caused her fever. Did you take her to the doctor? Anyway, I hope she's feeling better now. By the way, I love your photos.

    Nurofen for Children


I love comments. What did you think?