Saturday, October 22, 2011

They need to knock this shit off...Seriously.

There is a really good reason that I try to only let my kid watch PBS cartoons.  But every now and then, a different channel gets put on and the commercials make me want to stab my eyes out. 

First it was the Pillow Pets, whose annoying and hypnotizing commercials turned my kid into a total animal.  You can read that post here.

Then about a month ago, evil had a new name and it was the Happy Napper. 

Well, thanks to Grandma, Lila got her stupid ladybug Happy Napper and can't actually nap on it because a) she has not napped since she was 2, and b) because when you stuff the ladybug into her little house the resulting pillow is lumpy and hard as a rock. 

This morning SOMEONE (Daddy) put on some cartoons for Lila and as soon as the Doodlebops (which are their own form of torture for me) was over, I looked up from my crap-induced stupor and realized Lila basically floating mesmerized toward the television. 

There is a new horror in town:


Now, if I am honest, these things are kind of cute.  The puppy (shown above) has ears that move up and down when you step in the slippers. And the unicorn appears to go to sleep when you aren't wearing them. 


As far as I can tell, they don't make any noise, although I have not researched them thouroughly enough to tell for sure, and so I am not totally and completely opposed to these (although if there is even the mildest snort, giggle or music that comes out of them I will change my tune).  But the commercial will make you want to vomit.  And after seeing it LITERALLY one time, Lila has been singing it all morning. 

The commercial told Lila that "Stompeez are more than just slippers...they're slippers with PERSONALITY!...They'll make you LAUGH!  They'll make you SMILE!"  all the while in the background the kids are screaming "WE WANT THEM!!!"

Luckily for you, I cannot find a link to the video, but if you go to the actual Stompeez website, you will see what we're dealing with here. 

Mind-numbing website complete with song.

When the commercial was over, Lila suddenly became re-animated as if a hypnotist just snapped his fingers and looked at me dead in the face and said, "Mommy, they're not just slippers.  THEY'RE STOMPEEZ!  AND I NEED TO HAVE THEM."

It is no use trying to explain to a 4 year old that she NEEDS food, water and shelter and that she simply WANTS the ridiculous slippers because it will just re-inforce how much she NEEDS them and she will probably end up convincing me otherwise.

I am going to try to explain to my mother that she IS NOT to buy them for her under any circumstances and that if she is lucky, she MAY get them for Christmas but I know it will be no use.  Grandmas can always be depended on to buy more of the useless crap that kids seem to love.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Sunday Stealing - extended edition.

I haven't done one of these in a while and this was a 2-parter.  So you get all 40 questions at once! 
1. Is there someone in your life you know you’d be better off without?
If you are reading this you are not one of them.
2. Do you get criticized because of your body?
Um....most people know better.

3. Did you kiss the last person you called?
I haven't even met the girl who answered the phone when I called Burington Coat Factory for directions.

4. When was the last time you danced?
Yesterday in the shower.  HARD!

This is CLEARLY not a picture of me.  But I do own similar legwarmers.
http://www.polelove.co.uk/
5. Do you keep in mind other people’s feelings?
I wish I was still evil, but I'm a mom now.  And that makes you all aware and stuff.

6. If you have a hang nail, do you pull it or clip it?
I bite it.  An then chew the hell out of my cuticles until they bleed.

7. Who do you want to forget?
Oh GAWD!  How long do you have?

8. Who was the last person to send you a letter?
In the MAIL?  What is this, 1997?

9. Who did you last tell to shut up?
My kid?  But I said it nicely. More like  "SERIOUSLY...SHUT IT!"

10. What’s the last thing that you smelt that smelt bad?
My kid's shoes.

from funnyjunk.com
11. What’s your favorite cereal?
Rice Krispies but only in the middle of the night.

12. How do you feel when people lead you on, but they don’t even like you?
It's been so long that would be fine.

13. Could you live without sunlight?
I live in Central NY.  So I basically do from November to March.

14. What’s something you know is bad, but you want to do it anyway?
Politics?

15. What was the last thing you lied about?
"I'm FINE!"

16. Do you regret anything you’ve done in the past week?
I have decided that regret is for pussies.

17. What was the last movie you bought?
It was probably in 1997 too.

18. What is a sport you would like to do?
Does napping count as a sport if I am willing to do it competitively?

19. When was the last time you felt like crying?
The other day I cried because I read a book jacket and the story was sad.  Yeah, I'm like THAT lately.

20. Have you ever wanted to kill someone (not that you actually do it)?
Every f**king day.

21. What was the last song you listened to that wasn’t sung in English?
My kid makes up intelligible jibberish lyrics to songs all the time.  So about 10 minutes ago.

22. One of our SS players generally leaves a critical comment on our memes. Which is fine. All's fair. Do you let meme authors know when you hate their memes?
No, I just dont do them.

23. What TV show would you like to be on?
Lost.  Being stranded on a creepy magical island with Josh Holloway sounds awesome.


YUMMY!
24. What was the last video game you played?
WII bowling

25. Have you ever been in a musical? If yes, do tell.
That would be unfortunate.

26. Do you follow your own style or everyone else’s?
I have gotten to an age where I just don't give a shit anymore.

27. What’s the last store you bought from?
Wegmans.  Groceries.

28. In retrospect, have you ever let a person use you a lot?
Those were the days...(sigh)

29. What are you doing two days from now?
Work?

30. Did you ever believe there were monsters in your closet?
No. But there are definitely skeletons.


31. When you graduated high school, did you let random people sign your yearbook or just close friends?
I hated high school so much that I refused to buy a yearbook.

32. Would you consider adopting a child that had a mental illness?
I wouldn't adopt a child.  I have a child.  She's enough.  And as many of you know, having a preschooler in your house is very much like living with a person with mental illness.

33. Does thinking about death scare you?
No.  Thinking about living forever does though.

34. If you died, do you believe that you go to Heaven or Hell and where would your spirit go?
I hope it isn't hell because I am convinced that hell for me would be being stuck at Chuck E. Cheese's on a Saturday afternoon for all of eternity.


35. Who did you last write a snail mail letter to and why?
Again, is this 1997?

36. Do you care what people say or think about you?
Only if they're plotting my demise.  And to them I say, "BRING IT!"

37. Have you ever been threatened?
I have a 4 year old diva daughter.  Every day I am threatened with temper tantrums and "I am going to get VERY VERY MAD AT YOU!!!"

38. Which side of your family do you get most of your qualities from?
Physical, Dads.  Mental?  Moms.  And I really wish it was the other way around.  My dad's side is the sane side.

39. What was the last thing with alcohol that you drank?
I don't know but I am pretty sure it was a long time ago.

40. Have you ever kept a relationship a secret?
I am not telling.

Nothing creepy about this...
http://travel.webshots.com/photo/1229802327001221191ThwzLE



Stolen from:


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Sorry. I'm in crazy town.

I know it's been a while.  I hope you can forgive me.  I keep meaning to connect with you but I guess I am a shitty bloggy friend. 

Anyway, I did post a little something here explaining why I am being shy with my posts lately.  I hope you will still be here when I am back up and running.