Monday, June 29, 2009


Yesterday, we were having dinner at my mother's house and Lila was in the form she always is in at Grandma's... "Total Brat Mode" (TBM). During dinner Lila starts whining and crying about something and since she probably didnt really know what it was that she wanted she couldnt tell us and it turned into a fiasco of whining and screaming and trying to wiggle out of the high chair.

My aunt was there and gave me a sorry look and I said "welcome to my whole day, every day". Ben had the fucking nerve to say to me "Really? How do you think I feel? I had her all day today and most of the day yesterday. I am sick of hearing you bitch about how hard it is."

Now besides the obvious "FUCK YOU," which I couldn't say in front of everyone there, I wanted to clarify something. BEN DID NOT HAVE HER ALL DAY. We were both home with her. We both took her to the grocery store. He thinks that just because I am in the next room doing the dishes and he is responsible for making sure she doesnt crack her skull on anything that he "has her all day" and I find that fucking offensive. Like I was out of town on a spa date for the weekend and it was just him alone with her for days at a time (I fucking WISH!!!).

During the week while he gets to be a productive member of society, I get to tend to her every whim (and believe me, there are millions of them) and try to stay sane while watching Calliou for the 400th time before noon. And because a couple of days a week my mother keeps her while I work part time just to have some grown up time, she is spoiled and has no sense of boundaries or rules. When Lila falls down or cries dramatically for 45 minutes because her doll fell off the couch, there is no one else there so that I dont have to drop everything and comfort her. There is no second parent to keep an eye on her so I can take a quick shower. There is no other parent there to give her lunch so that I can get a few things done. And that is the luxury that Ben has when he claims he "has her all day" on Sundays.

I shouldnt complain too much. I realize that most people dont have the help I have with Lila. I realize that Ben helps more than many Dads and that he tries to participate as much as possible. But we are FAR from equal in our parenting and this kind of traditional arrangement is something that I vehemently protest because I figured that I was more evolved than that.

And yet, he has the NERVE to tell me he's tired of hearing ME complain about how hard it is? Maybe I need to take more time for myself to show him what it's really like to have her ALL DAY.


  1. Well there's your problem--it's Calliou! What a whiny puss that one is. And bald to boot! BUT MAW-MEEEEEEE I WANT MY PANCAKE CUT INTO EIGHTHS, JUST LIKE ROOOOOOOOSIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

    Aren't there some kind of baby boot camp videos that could whip these kids into shape?

    As for men, it's my pet peeve that I do all the house and yardwork all the time, but if he does the dishes, he's got to say, over and over, "So, I did the dishes, aren't I cool? How'd you like those dishes? So, did you notice how you didn't have to do the dishes tonight???" No wonder my mother was addicted to Librium.

  2. Who do we blame for this? Men or society or both? A man helps out a little bit and spends a few hours with his kid and he's a great dad but if a woman isn't suffering for her child's every whim she is terrible. I've been at home for 2 1/2 months now and I am counting the days to go back to work. My husband has the nerve to come home and tell me that I don't know how to comfort the baby if she's crying. You know what jerk, when I've spent the whole day with her and she is fussy I've run out of ideas and its really easy for him to sweep in from being out of the house for 12 hours and save the day. Then when he comes home for the most part I am still taking care of her because he is doing house stuff. When he takes over for his night shift she is usually sleeping and doesn't even wake up until its my turn to feed her again. The few times that she has freaked out on him he brings her to me. And he tells me that it is more stressful for him to go to work and work on the house than for me to take care of the baby. I can tell that he somewhat judges me because I'm not supermom. Ha - let's trade places and see how he does.

  3. At around 3 months, I started working on Saturdays to give him some "Daddy Time". The first day I went to work, he had all these plans for what he was going to get done around the house. I smiled slyly and wished him luck. He told me he didn't need luck, it's just a baby and it isn't that hard. 8 hours later I came home to a screaming baby and a completely helpless man. He begged me to take her so that he could have "5 minutes to think". He stopped harassing me after that.


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